


Never Say Never

by AngelOfDeath10



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfDeath10/pseuds/AngelOfDeath10
Summary: In which coincidences stack too high to be ignored and certain words can't be unsaid. A little quid pro quo won't erase the past, but it can sure make it a lot cloudier and Kaoru isn't above calling in favors from the only genius she knows, evil or otherwise.
Relationships: Kamiya Kaoru/Yukishiro Enishi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Kaoru tried to massage her aching shoulder and wondered if she should spend a bit of her precious tip money on lidocaine patches to ease the ache. Her feet hurt too, but it was the sharp pain from the muscle that had spontaneously locked up when she was carrying a tray of dirty dishes tonight that zinged her down to her toes when she leaned her head to the side just so. Honestly, she should have been grateful that it had been a busy Friday instead of the usual sluggish pace of Mondays and Wednesdays. More people meant more tips and she desperately needed those cash infusions. If she put away a little bit here and a little bit there maybe she'd have enough for patches on the leaky roof in, oh, roughly the same amount of time it would take for her to bite down on her pride and beg Sano and some of his buddies to do it on the cheap.

She really didn't want to ask Sano for anything after what had happened with her—former—car. He swore he could fix whatever had locked up her engine. In the end a bus pass was much less annoying than a greasy Sano permanently installed into her driveway. He meant well, but Kaoru could feel her rage grown by the day and words had been exchanged. Now her car was as good as a giant planter sitting in the driveway. At least cancelling the insurance had saved her a bit of money.

Other than a pulled muscle, today had been disappointing because with more people it meant 'glasses guy' definitely wouldn't be installed in his usual table in the corner and as little as she liked him the familiarity was of his presence was comforting. The Chinese restaurant that Kaoru waitressed at part time was known more for its authenticity than its speed just as she had been hired more for her pretty face and general robust athleticism than any real skill in speaking Chinese or with customer service in specific. The first time she met glasses guy he had tried to order in a language she didn't even remotely speak, and it was both humbling and angering to have to choke down his sneer with a smile when she had to admit she had no clue what he had said.

Since then she had seen him with the kind of regularity that had her unconsciously reserving his table in the corner when she showed people to their seats even though she didn't want to do him any favors. He always tipped exactly eighteen percent as well, down to the penny and written down without the help of a calculator. She had spied on him through the plastic plants so she knew he didn't use his phone to figure it out, even when he was dining with what she assumed were work colleagues and the figures were uneven. He always paid cash too, so she didn't even know his name other than people he worked with called him 'boss'.

There was something weirdly suspicious about a professional man who only paid in cash for things.

Digging around in her purse, Kaoru found her little notebook and logged her tips in so that she could do a bit of math under the street lights. A surprisingly sharp cold breeze reminded her that she would need to bring a thicker coat with her now that fall was here and sweat was drying while she sat at the bus stop. The restaurant was hot and humid to her with so many people ordering sizzling dishes in the colder weather. As she suspected, she had a slight surplus so far this month but the margins were tight.

She really needed to find a bit more work, but between her three current part time jobs she didn't think she had enough energy to do a proper job search. Usually a real job search required access to the internet, and as she had cut that expense first thing in favor of grocery money she'd have to make time to go to the library.

Kaoru's shoulder tweaked again and she sighed and slipped her notebook back in her bag. A hot bath and some streaming on her phone via pirated wifi from her neighbor was probably as close to a numbing agent as she was getting tonight. All she had to do was man a cash register in the bookstore tomorrow and occasionally make coffee from the limited café menu so she could probably stumble through with minimal lifting of her arm or swiveling of her head. It wasn't the first pulled muscle she'd worked through and she suspected it wouldn't be the last.  
*  
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*

Sunday was always slow at the bookstore until the church crowd got out and streamed past, usually people who couldn't stomach what was offered for free in the gathering rooms after the service. Kaoru would also get the odd family out walking when the weather was nice. It was also only a half day of work and she enjoyed reclaiming a little bit of time before it got dark. As a bonus, the owner also encouraged her to take any old baked goods as the shop wouldn't be open Monday at all. Not overly fond of sweets, they were free calories all the same and she was grateful.

Sweeping after putting up the café chairs, the bell rang indicating someone hadn't really closely examined the flipped sign in the window.

"Sorry, but I just shut down all the machines and I can't fix you…" her words died as she saw the customer push fussy glasses up an aristocratic nose bridge.

Unique aware of how she looked a mess, Kaoru consciously forced her hands to stay on the broom handle and now sweep up to retie her messy bun of black hair. In the low light of the restaurant she often didn't focus on people's faces, more their words and actions, so seeing the glasses guy in the stark light of early afternoon highlighted traits she hadn't noticed before. The unusual shade of his eyes—not blue, not green—the shining health of his shock of white hair, muscles straining against casual athletic clothes. This wasn't the business suits he wore to the restaurant, and it suited him as well as the more formal wear.

"I'm here to pick up a book. It's paid in full, so I trust it won't inconvenience you to fetch it." The words were polite but the tone said 'obey, peon' and Kaoru would have bristled if she weren't so damn used to it from him. It was galling that she didn't see so much as a spark of recognition in that handsome face.

"What name is it under?" She set her broom aside and straightened her shoulders with pride. Maybe she wasn't significant enough in his life to be remembered, but it wasn't like he featured much in hers either. Occasional cranky eye candy didn't elevate him much in her estimation.

He stepped forward to the counter, eyeing her progress to a shelf behind the cash register where holds were marked with pieces of paper. "Yukishiro."

Kaoru flicked through the books until she noted an E. Yukishiro in the owner's crisp handwriting. The book looked old, and she'd be shocked if it wasn't both rare and valuable. The café may have kept cash flow up, but the owner was a bibliophile at heart.

"It's nice to know some people still actually shop for books." She tried to make conversation in the silence as she accepted and compared his receipt to the one rubber banded to the book. All the man did was exhale in a puff as if acknowledging her comment but little else. Once she handed over the book he turned on the heel of an expensive athletic shoe and proceeded to walk out without saying another word to her. It was unfair that he looked nearly as good leaving as he did arriving.

Blowing at hair that had fallen out of her bun and into her face, she tried not to be annoyed and failed spectacularly.

"Asshole…" She said it wistfully. Attractive rich people apparently didn't need to make small talk with nobodies.

Arching her back and hearing at least one satisfying pop, she picked up her broom and got back to the business of closing but not before she strode over purposefully to the shop door and turned the lock with more force than necessary.  
*  
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*  
*

Thursdays were always spent at the fencing studio. It was in a sprawling building in a suburb that required she take three different buses through the heart of the city, but she only had to make the trip once a week and the owner was an old friend of her father's. Back in the days when he had been an Olympic hopeful her father had made a lot of friends, and even after he was injured and had to rely on teaching and coaching to pay the bills his good nature had kept him connected to the community. Kaoru probably got her competitive streak from him, just as she had gotten her temper from her mother.

Or so her father had told her. She didn't really know.

What Kaoru did know was basic bookkeeping, having managed her father's finances from the time she was in middle school until the accident…

Anyway, Mr. Sanjo was kindly paying her twice the going rate to do minimal bookkeeping as well as some data entry and filing. He refused to buy a computer until a couple years ago when he finally realized that word of mouth was probably never going to keep the business alive on its own. The blossoming social media presence of the school had irritated many of the older students, but Kaoru was happy to see new faces. There were other similar schools that weren't adapting as well but Mr. Ikeda was wily.

There was more than one shot of his cute granddaughters on the school website. He had asked Kaoru if she'd like to model as well, but she wasn't the sort to play fight for a photo op. If she was going to get in all the gear, foil in hand, she wanted to have a real match. Plus she didn't merely get an attractive pink glow when she exercised hard, she got blotchy red and no one needed photos of that. No more than already existed anyway.

She was rounding the corner past the private practice rooms and heading towards the office when a door flew open and nearly slammed into her face. Stopping short with a startled curse, she watched a man with a bowl haircut storm out, his hand clapped over his arm. Perhaps a bruise had stopped the sparring match?

Bowl cut swung around to hiss at the open door, "Watch yourself, boss, or someone might think you're losing your legendary edge."

"That was about your sloppy footwork and inattention, Heishin." The flat voice from the interior of the room was both familiar and distinctive. Kaoru watched bowl cut stomp his way in the general direction of the locker room, and swallowed thickly as she quickly passed the open doorway. It was a mere glance, but Yukishiro looked damn good in his fencing uniform. The white of it made his complexion seem more tan, and it highlighted the uncanny whiteness of his hair, even matted down from having been under a mask.

Gasping as she ascended the stairs to the second floor office, she realized she had been holding her breath. It was silly. So what if she ran into him at her other part time jobs? Coincidence was more likely than conspiracy. After all he had had a reason to be at all those places. It wasn't like he was stalking her or anything.

It was a ridiculous thought, but Kaoru made a mental note to call people tonight before she went to sleep because she felt suddenly unsure. Maybe Yahiko would even pick up the phone. You'd think he was allergic given how little he responded to her attempts to talk, yet if she sent a text she'd get back ten. Maybe if Tsubame was around today at the school Kaoru could get her to call Yahiko instead, as he'd always pick up for her. Her brother was such an idiot sometimes.

*  
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Enrolling into a statistics course instead of fixing up the roof had been a mistake. Naturally it had happened because of a fight with her brother. He had accused her of playing the martyr, having quit school to keep the home fire burning and send him bits and pieces of support money instead of really living and he refused to be guilted into moving closer to home. She had yelled at him for being ungrateful and a brat, and that if he hated her money so much maybe she should stop sending it to him.

Phones didn't have receivers anymore on which you could bang them down with a solid thunk like in old movies, so Kaoru had to settle form tossing it onto the other side of the couch with a small scream.

Lucky for her their argument had taken place on a Monday night and by Tuesday afternoon she had steamed her way to the library where she hopped onto a computer and registered for the prerequisite to her long delayed finance major that she had been putting off because it sounded too hard. Intermediate Statistics sounded harmless enough, but Kaoru never had a head for math. Accounting was different than math. Accounting and economics were about real things and math was all imaginary numbers, with statistics being extra imaginary. The easy superiority she felt at being able to prove Yahiko wrong about something gave way to the despair of logistics soon enough as she bussed home from the library.

When did she had the time or the energy to study? Where would she get a textbook? Unlike her other online classes where she could bluff through content from the notes and lectures, there would be problem sets and she couldn't make up answers to things that had objective solutions. She didn't even have her own computer anymore, having sold it and worked extra shifts at the restaurant to send Yahiko off to school with something decent of his own two years ago.

Wobbly feelings surfaced when she thought of how overjoyed he'd been. Even if thrift store sheik was in for college kids, everyone needed a nice computer to be successful and Yahiko was working hard and keeping his grades respectable. Damn, she missed him. Even if they fought like cats and dogs half the time, she missed his messy shoes grubbing up the kitchen after soccer practice. She missed him playing his music too loud when he studied. She even missed how he'd rag on her cooking but still eat every crumb.

Stepping off the bus, Kaoru paused at the covered stop while a cold fall rain poured down. It wouldn't take long to jog the block or so back to her house, but she was feeling maudlin and low energy. In the dying light of the afternoon, under the cloud cover, she paused at the bus stop and watched the expensive cars pour out of the fancy condo complex that had gone up across the street from her quaint neighborhood.

Tesla.

BMW.

Lexus.

Tesla.

Oh, Mazerati.

Kaoru thought of her sad broken Honda sitting in the driveway, no doubt rusting as she dithered around. Rubbing ephemeral warmth into her arms through the sweatshirt she had pulled on before she left, Kaoru pulled her large canvas bag closer to her side and started a swift jog through the ever worsening rain. She was underneath the awning in front of the locked door of the entrance to the condos and catching her breath before she sprinted across the street and around the corner to home before she knew it, already soaked to the bone.

A black car pulled up and a heavily made up woman in a tight red dress got out of the passenger seat with an umbrella, popping it out and extending it as the rear door of the car opened and a man she never expected to see there stepped in Kaoru's field of vision. Navy really was his color, and that suit looked expensive so Kaoru couldn't bring herself to do much more than gape in his direction.

He was polishing his glasses with a handkerchief so maybe she had time to leave before he saw her looking like a drowned rat, and she took off with a squeak of her balded sneakers. She only stumbled a little as she stepped off the curb, and she didn't look back for fear of still being recognized.

Of course he was basically her across the way neighbor.

_Of course._

*  
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Dodging glasses guy became something of a hobby as fall progressed. It helped take Kaoru's mind off of the impending start of the quarter and her utter lack of statistical knowledge. The last class she had taken in any form had been over six months ago, and she could practically feel her friend Megumi's disapproval with her lackadaisical approach to higher education. Their conversation last night over a bottle of wine, a pizza, and some bad streamed movies had been simultaneously cathartic and enraging. If Kaoru ever wondered why she was Megumi's friend, it probably had a lot to do with each of them being stubborn and difficult. It made it easy to understand one another.

" _You'll always be working a million shit jobs if you don't get a college degree. I don't see why you don't just bite the bullet and take out some loans…_ "

Easy for Megumi to say. As an established nurse and nearly done with her master's degree at that, she knew what she wanted and how much debt to earning would work out for her. It wasn't some shot in the dark she took hoping a random corporation would pick her out of the crowd and pay her a living wage with benefits.

Then again, Kaoru was working herself to death and barely making a living wage. With no benefits. Just a shitty public health plan with a deductible so high it was like having no health plan at all.

Her slightly bitter reverie was broken by a shock of white hair entering the restaurant. "Hey Tae, can you show glasses guy to his usual table? I need to make a quick call." She was taking a guess at who was working the shift today, since Tae's twin sister Sae could just as easily have been on shift with her. They traded around as needed, sometimes without telling anyone, depending on their own personal schedules.

"Sure thing, Kaoru!" Tae didn't bother to grab a menu, well aware glasses guy—Yukishiro—was a regular. He was in a garish athletic suit as well, so it was pleasure not business that brought him today. You'd think this was the only place to get Chinese food in town the way he acted.

Kaoru paused before she headed back through the kitchen to make her imaginary call. "Before you head over grab a hot pot of tea. He always asks for that first before he orders so it will save you some time."

"Thanks!" the cheerful waitress responded with a wide smile.

As Tae grabbed one of the more faded tea cups from the pile, Kaoru found herself frowning. Usually she remembered to get a cup with the design more vivid and she wondered if he'd even notice or if it was her imagination that he preferred details like that seen to during his meal. Her eyes sought him out one more time, and by chance they seemed to meet. Kaoru quickly retreated before he could see her fiery blush.

She felt ashamed for the first time in a long while that she was working a menial job. They would probably have nothing to talk about. He had whatever high powered hostile corporate lifestyle he led, and other than work she pirated wifi and borrowed her brother's streaming password for fun. They were apples and oranges. His existence reminded her there was more to aspire to than extra time to binge watch cooking shows.

Lying to Tae—to anyone really—made her sick to her stomach so she walked out the back door of the kitchen and sat down on an empty crate in the alley and texted Megumi. Maybe someone at her friend's fancy grad school knew where to get a math tutor for cheap.

*  
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It was a nice day. After closing up shop at the bookstore, Kaoru took in a refreshing breath and opted to walk home instead of the short bus ride back to her neighborhood. Stale croissant in hand, she munched thoughtfully and pulled her knit cap over her ears to block out the chill. Clear days always meant cold, even if the sun was shining, and the breeze was a little more than brisk. Kaoru finished up her pastry and then blew into her hands to warm them.

Ahead, a jogger was hunched over in pause, taking deep shuddering breaths in weather that probably felt like breathing pure ice into his lungs. Nice butt, she thought. Then he straightened and Kaoru's body went still as if she could hide in plain sight.

Yukishiro.

His hair was matted with sweat, and every bit of skin on him that was visible was glistening. The fussy round glasses were nowhere to be found, so maybe if fortune favored her today he would be nearsighted and assume she was a slow moving blob, or a particularly poorly placed tree. Like the fencing outfit, his pants left little to the imagination and Kaoru sorely wished she had agreed to that blind date that her dear friend Misao had threatened to send her on. Lusting after a stranger was awkward at best and deeply embarrassing to her personally.

Misao assured her this guy wasn't weird or smelly, but her track record of setting Kaoru up was not stellar. All her friends wanted to meddle in her life, it seemed. Well, pshaw, she didn't need their help! It had been a bold statement in the moment and regret looked like it was over six feet tall and could probably easily bench press two of her.

Seeing a nearby bench she planted herself and waited until Yukishiro began jogging again. Until then, she checked her phone and pulled a partially squished donut out of her jacket pocket. It was supposed to be dessert tonight, but she needed to stress eat right about now and it was the only thing she had on hand besides some mints in her purse. Stress eating mints sounded like a good way to get a stomach ache.

Too cold to delay any more, Kaoru began walking again and tried to cajole herself into the same happy mood as when she had started home from her job. Maybe she could watch a cooking show while she ate her leftover stir fry. She liked watching the ones where normal people tried their best because it gave her a sense of hope for her own culinary future. Equally appealing were the shows where people failed at cooking spectacularly since that was closer to her own lived experience.

She was lost in her own mind, chores and dinner her main concerns, when what felt like a steel band wrapped around her upper arm and pulled her into the narrow alley between the expensive condos and some older town homes. It wasn't wide enough for a car, and it was obscured from the outside by overgrown bushes. She had never given it much thought before, but as a large hand clapped over her mouth she had visions of chalked body outlines and true crime horror stories. Megumi loved watching those murder shows and then telling Kaoru all about them to make her squirm.

"Just tell me who you work for and this doesn't have to end poorly for you." Even if he were not right in front of her, practically merging her body into a cold brick wall, Kaoru would know that voice anywhere. He wasn't sweaty anymore, and Yukishiro's body radiated heat like a furnace in his cold weather jogging clothes. Hard thighs caged her legs, close enough that she didn't have much leverage to knee him in the groin without him stopping her. With the one free hand she fumbled in her pocket for her phone and tried not let panic get the best of her.

What side of the damn phone screen was the emergency button? It was so hard to think of anything with Yukishiro's snarling face inches from hers.

"Are you going to cooperate? If you scream I'll have no choice but to use more forceful measures, so nod if you understand me."

He was a madman. She nodded slowly, treacherous eyes watering from her own helpless rage and fear.

His hand dropped from her face and he asked his question again, tone clipped. "Who do you work for?"

How in the hell was she supposed to answer that?! Now that he was paying closer attention to her he noticed her fidgeting hand and pushed it away from her pocket. Her phone slid out with the hand and hit the pavement with a crack that told Kaoru she'd definitely need a new screen if she came out of this alive. It added fuel to her already towering rage. "I don't know, maybe the bank since they hold my mortgage? Myself? I feel like this is a trick question."

"You think this is funny?" Either from the run or from the intensity of this moment, Kaoru noted a pulsing vein that stood out on the side of his head and tried to will it to pop with her mind.

"No. This isn't funny at all. You clearly want answers but the questions don't even make sense!" She wanted her voice to be solid, but a whine had crept in anyway.

Yukishiro's eyes bored into her and Kaoru tried to match his ferocity despite being at a total disadvantage. "You've been following me for weeks. Shadowing my movements."

Oh god he was delusional. "You're crazy. I've been working in the same places for years! You've seen me at the restaurant at least twice a week since I started there!"

"There is no coincidence in my world. Given how sloppy and obvious you are at this my bet is on Heishin." He said the name seemingly hoping to get some sort of rise from her, but she had no clue who he was talking about. The name sounded vaguely familiar but she couldn't place it.

"And I'm telling you I don't give a shit what you do with your time. I'm too busy with my own life to have to bother keeping tabs on someone else! I work my crappy jobs, I ride the crappy bus, and I eat my crappy food in my wreck of a house. You want me to outline when all my shifts are so you can avoid seeing me?! I'm all for that!" The heat rolling off him was suffocating even in the cold weather. Kaoru knew the moment she lost her fierce attitude she was going to dissolve into a puddle of shock so she gave him her best disapproving frown. It was the face she made when she caught Yahiko dodging chores as a teen, and she knew it was an excellent mix of righteous and displeased.

Then he did something outrageous: dipping down slightly he shoved a hand under both her coat and blouse and calloused fingers skimmed over her back.

"What in all the hells are you doing?!" Her voice rose an octave.

"Looking for the wire." He said, his face a stony mask. Seemingly satisfied there wasn't one he withdrew his hand and then took several steps back. Without the support of his body, Kaoru felt her legs simply give and she slid to the ground slowly. He stared down at her, and Kaoru found she wasn't quite able to meet his eyes as she tried to calm her shaking body. All her adrenaline had dumped at once and the tremors were involuntary. "Let's say I believe you for now. I'm rarely incorrect, but mistakes can happen."

So assaulting her in an alleyway was a little mistake, was it?! "You utter prick!" Launching herself at him as if a wild punch could do much beyond breaking her hand against his muscles, he neatly sidestepped and watched curiously as she smacked into the bushes and fencing that surrounded the town houses. Sputtering, Kaoru extracted herself from the shrubbery. "You could at least have the grace to let me punch you after what you just put me through! I thought you were going to strangle me!"

"If that were my objective it wouldn't have happened here." He watched her seethe, signs of irritation finally cracking his cold exterior once more. If he was irritated at her or himself, Kaoru couldn't be sure. "Let me be clear, if you go to the police regarding this… misunderstanding… you'll regret it."

"… you have got to be joking, you think you can assault someone in broad daylight—"

"—shaded alleyway—"

"Just because there are no witnesses doesn't mean I'm going to forget how you touched me—"

"—with no marks and no DNA evidence." Yukishiro took one step towards her, and traces of a smile lit his lips when Kaoru simultaneously took a step back even though it landed her right in the bushes again. "You have no evidence beyond a cracked phone."

Having said his piece and seemingly confident in his intimidation tactics, Yukishiro turned on his heel and stalked back towards the exit to the alley. Kaoru didn't move from her position until he was out of eyeshot and she had calmed her thumping heart down to a normal pace. Then with a screamed profanity she punched and kicked at the bushes behind her.

She had taken self-defense classes, from her father no less! She had trained for being attacked by people stronger and larger and thought that no matter what she was at least not one of those shrinking violets, and if it came down to it she could fight. Kaoru had frozen up when she should have fought and now, above all the other indignities she had suffered, she felt vulnerable.

If Yukishiro dared to come to her restaurant again she would be sorely tempted to dump hot tea in his lap before braining him with the steel pot.

Gathering up her shattered pride along with her shattered phone, she made sure it at least functioned before letting out a shaky sigh and exiting the alley.


	2. Chapter 2

Next to the alcove, where the cash register sat, Kaoru stealthily slid out her dog eared stats book and tried to make sense of a problem. Thing was, since most of them started out as word problems but then needed to be translated into equations, she rarely made any headway and mostly ended up giving herself a headache from squinting at the small text frantically in the low light. At this rate she was going to need some aspirin or glasses, but at that thought her blood began to heat.

The word "glasses" had become a trigger.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't bottled it all up, but she knew she absolutely couldn't tell any of her friends because none of them were the rational type when it came to proportionate response. Megumi would absolutely insist they go to the police and drag her over there. Misao would insist on setting up some elaborate trap to get even. Sano would run off and try to avenge her on his own, vigilante style. Heaven help her if she told her brother what happened, he would be on the first plane back to break Yukishiro's kneecaps with Sano.

No, there wasn't anything to be done. In order to make it less likely to run into the bastard Kaoru had instead upended her nice orderly routine. Now her shifts at the restaurant were Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. She was heading over to the fencing school on Wednesdays. The bookstore was still Saturday and Sunday, but she had only seen him the one time there and so it wasn't likely she'd see him there again. As a consequence, good or otherwise, now that she took Mondays off she essentially had a weekend between the half day Sunday and the full day Monday so in some ways it had worked out well. She hadn't seen even a strand of white hair in weeks.

Now if only she could conquer statistics as easily as she had seemingly dodged that jerk.

Whichever twin was on shift with her today waved a hand in front of Kaoru to get her attention. Pulling away from the book with a groan, Kaoru straightened her pained back and hunched shoulders and automatically turned on a neutral smile. Years of customer service had conditioned that response.

"I think your table is ready for you to get their check. They flagged me down."

Kaoru was immediately apologetic. "Oh my gosh, thanks, sorry."

"I've been there. Just don't burn out before midterms." It must be Tae, she tended to be more sympathetic. Sae was a good listener but she rarely expressed empathy over situations unless she knew everything about it. Kaoru wished she were closer with the twins, they would have been the perfect audience to provide a fairly objective assessment of what to do about glasses guy.

After taking care of the check, picking up the dishes and getting them into the dish return, Kaoru found herself gasping as if someone had punched her when piercing blue-green eyes pinned her down from mere feet away. She was all too aware she had passed Tae in the kitchen on her way to the alley for a smoke break so there went her back up. It had been some time since she had seen him, but clearly not enough. It was also thirty minutes from close and so he wasn't here to eat, and she hated even more that she knew how long it took him to have a meal (an hour and fifteen minutes when he was on his own).

The presence of a table of college students laughing in the other room was the only thing that kept her from straight up bolting. He had proved easily that her fight reflex was good for shit all against him, and she knew she'd be fired if she slammed a chair over his head. Kaoru liked this job, and didn't want to lose it just yet.

Slowly, she walked behind the counter, so that there was at least a large wooden barrier between them and crossed her arms. Clearly he had come with a purpose, in his immaculate three piece suit. No coat, she noted, so a car was probably waiting outside as well.

"Here," He plopped a small rectangular box on top of the counter and Kaoru looked at it with a raised eyebrow. Still with it's plastic outer wrapping intact it was a brand new phone, the latest model of her own phone. The deluxe, maxed out version of the latest model of her phone. The launch campaign for it had only happened a week or so ago, and she had noted it with a scoff. Who needed the bleeding new version of stuff like that when the older ones did basically the same thing?

Well, she supposed she'd never know what the big deal was. "You trying to buy my silence now?"

"Unless I'm mistaken, you're being silent enough without any money passing through my hands." He nodded down at the phone that sat next to her open textbook. The screen resembled a fractal. "Yours is broken. That was unintentional, so I'm replacing it."

"Well, it stinks of bribe. Give me the money to replace my screen instead and save your pity."

"That antique isn't worth the money required to fix it."

"Listen, you…" There was a holler from the college students and the sound of breaking glass and Kaoru knew this conversation had to be stowed for the moment because she had more important things to do. "We're not finished." Was her ominous statement before she walked away on slightly shaking legs to find out what the rowdy college students had managed to break.

She swept up the broken water glass in minutes, smiling at the profuse apologies even if she was sighing internally at their carelessness. It happened now and then, so she wasn't mad, but she was already on edge from Yukishiro who seemed to have grabbed one of the order pads and a pen and was writing something down as she swept and kept half an eye on him as well. She dumped the glass in the trash with a clink and circled back to Yukishiro.

"It isn't worth my time to take the phone back, so do what you want with it. Here's some money to replace the screen on your…. phone." His paused emphasis told her again how little he thought of her ancient tech while sliding a hundred dollar bill in her direction. "And no, I don't have any smaller bills. Give me back the change later if your pride is so aggrieved by my obligation."

She didn't want to see him again, but come hell or highwater she would definitely give him the change back after getting her screen replaced. "I can leave it in an envelope at your condo front desk. What's your name? No need to see one another again."

"Yukishiro." He answered flatly, and as mad as she was at him she was a little disappointed that's all she was getting from him. "Enishi." He finally added with a slow blink, looking oddly confused as if he hadn't heard his own first name out loud in some time. Kaoru wondered in a flash what his friends called him, then if he had any friends at all.

"We done here?" She tried to sound like a badass, but it was more tired than haughty. The fact that nothing was going to happen had finally percolated into her lizard brain and it was letting down its guard already. In fact, an enragingly persistent part of her hind brain was admiring the slim cut of the suit as he turned and left the restaurant with a jingle of the bell on the door.

Tae came back in smelling of smoke and Kaoru wished she had something as conveniently and immediately relaxing to do like smoking. Maybe she'd actually take a bath when she got home tonight. It took forever to scrub the tub out, but she could probably locate an ancient bath bomb from somewhere in the cupboard. There had been a period of time when Yahiko was little, never knew what to get her for holidays, and somehow decided random scented bath products were good enough.

"Did I miss anything? Sorry, Sae called me and sometimes I can't get her off the phone fast enough."

Kaoru felt herself tensing up. "Those college kids broke a glass."

"I step out for one minute and everything gets crazy!" Tae laughed. Normally Kaoru would laugh with her, but all she could manage was a tight-lipped smile. "But hey, you made some progress on your homework so maybe a little chaos helped break your mental block."

A college kid came up and asked for the checks (they were splitting it 7 ways and Tae fell on that sword because Kaoru looked too stressed to deal). Meanwhile Kaoru looked down at the order pad she, and then Yukishiro, had been scribbling notes on and in a crisp but heavy hand that no doubt made half the pad useless now were the answers to every single problem on the page.

Of the fifteen problems Kaoru had struggled through four, and of those four one had been corrected in the same crisp hand with the right answer written to the side. Of the eleven left, seven were multiple choice and four required plugging values into equations they had learned that section. She had left him alone for no more than ten minutes.

Stunned, Kaoru thought back to how easily he calculated tips. It was one thing to be able to multiply numbers quickly in your head, this was something else. What a waste that talent like that was granted to such a garbage pail of a human being. What a waste that he had brains and looks and money and a personality that could curdle milk.

Grabbing the phone, the money, and the answers to her homework, Kaoru felt something like an idea percolate in her mind. She didn't like it, and he probably wouldn't like it either, but she knew she had to ask anyway. After all, she couldn't afford a tutor at any price unless they were free and Yukishiro didn't seem like the kind of man who did anything for free.

But at the same time he owed her something for assaulting and scaring her, and they both knew it. Why else would he show up with a thousand-dollar phone out of the blue? Not for her peace of mind. He understood how debts worked, and unfortunately for him he actually had something Kaoru wanted now.

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"I told you I didn't want it," Enishi growled as he placed a still pristinely wrapped phone on the counter.

She hadn't expected him to show up at the bookstore. While he had been avoiding her at the restaurant and probably didn't frequent the fencing studios enough to encounter her she had thought he understood not to come to the bookstore and café. This was her domain on the weekend. She was in the middle of pinning up a flyer about a neighborhood Trick or Treat event to the cork board on the wall of the café side of the store when she had noted him storming in.

Kaoru, still in her café apron, wiped suddenly sweaty palms down her thighs surreptitiously. "I take it you got the change I left for you." Nervous, she waited for him to mention the letter she had included with the money.

"If you knew what was good for you, you'd take the phone."

It was like all he knew how to do was issue threats. Kaoru wasn't having it. "I don't need a phone."

"A phone is more expedient than what you suggested I give you. I don't have the time nor inclination to be your teacher. If you're so desperate you may leave the textbook with me and I'll text the answers to you. I don't think spending any more time in one another's company is in either of our interests."

Kaoru bristled again, "I don't want to cheat my way through this class. I want to know how to do the work myself."

Enishi was in athletic gear so clearly he wasn't on the clock with whatever he did for work. Under Armour must have loved his business. How anyone could pull off that much orange was a mystery. "Is this some sort of barrier to moving on to another class? Do you ever plan on continuing with mathematics after this?" Kaoru nodded and shook her head in turn. "Then what's the point in learning content you'll immediately forget? Be practical, Kaoru."

She actually jumped at the sound of her name. "How do you know…?"

Following where his eyes flicked down, Kaoru suddenly remembered her nametag and silently scolded herself for being such a ninny. It was also possible he remembered it for the first few times she had introduced herself at the restaurant to him before she realized he was a regular and that probably wasn't necessary. Well, if they were that intimate already then obviously he wouldn't mind if she reciprocated.

"Enishi," His nostrils flared, eyes pinning her as surely as his body had all those weeks ago. "This is the only thing you have that I want, and surely it can't be the end of the world to give me a couple hours a week of your time until the quarter ends. It's almost half over already, and I'm just hovering above failure. I wouldn't ask you for help if I weren't desperate, but I can guarantee you if you do help me I'll… let bygones be bygones."

They stared one another down for what felt like hours, but probably was a mere minute or two. Yukishiro was probably sizing her up, determining how stubborn she was or how he could pawn this responsibility off on a subordinate. If he had math genius staff, she'd be fine with that too, but since he wasn't suggesting another person tutor her he probably didn't want anyone else to know who she was or how they were connected. Another suspicious piece of the puzzle.

"Two hours a week." He grudgingly acknowledged.

As much as she was still mad at him, she felt relief sweep through her. "That's all I ask."

"When are your assignments due?"

"Sundays before midnight."

"Then I'll be back here tomorrow at closing. I trust you prefer this location to your residence?"

Coloring, because she hadn't even thought that far, and agreeing that it would be better they were in a semi-public location rather than her personal sanctuary she nodded wordlessly.

"Keep in mind, pass or fail, once I finish this task we're nothing to one another."

"I wouldn't have it any other way!" Kaoru snapped.

It seemed as if to Kaoru she was always watching him leave. She didn't want her eyes to follow him the way they did, but attraction wasn't a choice. Plenty of actors and actresses who were proven time and again to be terrible people had huge followings because they were handsome or beautiful. There wasn't any reason to feel shame when it was instinct rather than rationality, but she still scolded herself to do better next time.

Noting the phone still on the counter she swore to herself and turned her eyes to heavens as if for strength. This game of hot potato was not cute. She'd deliver it back to his condo reception area tomorrow.

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If only, Kaoru thought.

If only the bookstore wasn't having that special Trick or Treat event, which meant staying open late on Sunday with the owner dressed as Shakespeare and handing out candy and bookmarks.

If only Enishi hadn't met her after at that other café she liked, which she only belatedly remembered she knew about because Misao was obsessed with their poppyseed muffins.

If only Misao and Megumi weren't allied in the conspiracy to spice up a love life she wasn't interested in having right now.

If only Enishi weren't so damn recognizable as "glasses guy" who she had been occasionally commenting about to her friends for a while as maybe the kind of guy who might be her type (how rudely that was disproven!).

Her recently repaired phone was blowing up with text message that were accusing and curious in turns. How could Kaoru not tell her best friend (they both called themselves her best friend and she never said anything to either of them because there was no point stirring that pot) about dating the paragon of hotness she had been drooling over?! What was his name? What did he even do? Was he fun? Did he hold a good conversation? Did he pay when they went out? Was he a good kisser?

The deluge of questions was mortifying and the only thing that allowed Kaoru to keep herself together was knowing that Enishi would never meet her friends so she could easily concoct a story about how she tried dating him a little bit and it hadn't worked out. The final exam was the first week of December so she only needed to keep the pretense up for about a month. Kaoru could do this! Just because her history of subterfuge was woeful didn't mean this was going to fail. After all, she could stick to basically the truth of things.

His name was Enishi. They hadn't talked about his work. He was a pretty serious guy most of the time. He didn't spend a lot of time talking about things that didn't matter. They went dutch. And Kaoru flat out ignored the kissing question, identifying it as mischief on Megumi's part. She did mention the bones of the truth as well, that Enishi was helping her with her statistics class and they were not to interfere because she needed a good grade if it killed her.

So when a very obviously disguised Misao wandered past the bookstore that next Sunday while Enishi was trying to explain inference, Kaoru had to get him to repeat himself. Then, looking to make sure she was right and indeed a small woman in a trench coat, huge hat, and sunglasses on a cloudy day was about to walk past the café's huge window again she found she had to get him to repeat himself yet again. He was not amused.

"You aren't usually this dense. What's distracting you?" He directness that didn't merely verge on rudeness was understandable so she let it slide instead of puffing up at him like an angry cat.

"I think my friend is trying to take a picture of us together without me noticing. Just don't turn around, she'll give up eventually."

Enishi was less than pleased once Kaoru mentioned the word 'picture' and given how private he seemed she supposed this was going to be a problem. She was not wrong. "I agreed to tutor you, I didn't agree to be gawked at."

"My friends are overly excited that I'm spending time with an attractive man. They'll lose interest soon." The words were out of her mouth already when she realized her error, and the way his pale eyebrow twitched up at 'attractive' told her she had put a foot squarely in her mouth. "I'll handle them."

The dark look he gave her was all the warning he would provide, and she was obliquely grateful he trusted her. She had spent a couple weeks being grateful to him in little ways and it was wreaking havoc with her determination to hate him. Kaoru had always been accused, rightfully, by her brother than she was too forgiving. But Enishi, once he determined he was going to take on a task, seemed to be putting in genuine effort to have her understand the course content. He wasn't exactly patient, but he was thorough. He did have that infuriating way of looking at problems and starting with the right answer, but then he would work backwards to how he had arrived at it and so slowly Kaoru was getting it. Steadily her grade was climbing from the brink of failure into the realm of respectability.

So at the end of their session, despite herself, Kaoru felt responsible for the shivering figure camped out across the street with a phone in hand and those ridiculous sunglasses still on her face. She packed up her textbook while Enishi flicked through texts on his phone, mouth pursed into a thin line of displeasure. Kaoru got the sense as soon as their sessions finished that he entered business mode once more, which implied he was actually relaxed around her in comparison. The man really needed to loosen up.

"Hey," she waved her hand in front of him to try to get his attention.

He didn't look away from the screen. "I can see you. What."

"Ok, Mr. Multitask. I was just going to offer to give you the key so you can go out the back and lock up after yourself. I'll lead my friend across the street away. You can drop it in my mailbox later. I hate to say it, but I assume you know where I live."

Enishi didn't look up from scrolling on his phone, but he did hold out his hand. "Yes."

"Yes to what?" Kaoru said, her smile going lopsided as she rolled her eyes at him.

At that point he finally broke away from whatever was engrossing him on his phone because his stare knocked her right in the unwanted physical response part of her brain. Did he have to be so intense about everything? "All of it."

Not much to say about that. With a blush, Kaoru dropped the key in his hand and grabbed up her stuff to make her exit. She was trying to calm down a wildly inappropriate fast heartbeat as she planted a grimace on her face and walked straight up to a fidgeting Misao.

"Why hello there, I don't think we've met, my name is…"

"I'm sure you're been working on your alias for the entire hour you've been out here but Misao you're probably going to catch a cold from this, which means Soujirou will have to quarantine himself from you while you get better." Kaoru snatched the sunglasses off of her face, while Misao flinched. "By the way, you should have jogged by and snapped a picture, I would have been much less likely to have seen you. Why do you insist on playing spy?"

"….turns out blurry…" Misao mumbled before she found her nerve. "Well, I wouldn't have to resort to methods like this if you weren't withholding important information from me!"

Kaoru groaned. "My lovelife or lack thereof is my own business unless I invite Megumi or, yes, you too, to talk about it. Maybe you should listen to me and give me some space! Enishi is a really private person and I don't think anyone likes secret photos to be taken of them in their down time. I may be used to how extra you are, but maybe give us a little space before I show him how nuts my friends are?"

"You _like_ him." Misao said with some wonder. "You're defending him from _me_."

"He's helping me," Kaoru clarified reflexively, suddenly alarmed that Misao knew something she didn't. It wasn't possible. A couple study sessions couldn't erase him acting like a scumbag. "Just, let me do things at my own pace. _Please._ "

In the end, Kaoru convinced Misao to give her a ride home and to have some warm tea at Kaoru's before she headed back. After she waved Misao off, shivering in a shawl in her driveway, she walked over and felt around in her maildrop, closing fingers around frigid metal with a little smile.

Her trust hadn't been misplaced this time.

Then she felt something else in there and pulled it out curiously. Cursing loudly, plastic reflecting the orange street lights Kaoru could still clearly make out the contents of the rectangular box. She didn't want the phone, damn it all!

It wasn't like her to throw something so expensive away even in anger so she stomped her way back in with both key and phone muttering dark things about a certain statistics tutor. This might not be a battle she could win, but hopeless battles were something she knew an awful lot about.


	3. Chapter 3

That rotten bastard. All that insistence on duty and obligation and then as soon as he gets a little busy he stands her up. She sat there for a full hour in a cold, empty shop worrying and raging in turns. She ate no less than three stale donuts, merely shredding the last one to crumbs out of pure nerves. What if something had happened to him? Then chiding herself for thinking something so ridiculous she had moved herself out of the shop and in the direction of the library. Disaster was always what she thought, ever since her father had gotten into that car accident that took him from her. She remembered how she had raged that day over how careless he was at not letting her and Yahiko know where he was going to be for dinner. Then the call from the hospital had come.

Most of the time when people were late it was because they had forgotten, or gotten too busy, or otherwise had had a competing priority she reminded herself in that calm tone that Megumi coached her in when she was entering a panic spiral. Kaoru could give a wild guess at what level on Enishi Yukishiro's priority list she rated. Somewhere between 'getting the car washed' and 'picking up the dry cleaning' no doubt.

Well the joke was on him because he had been a good enough tutor that she was able to struggle through the problem set without him. It may have taken her much longer than with his help, but she had done it at the library until they closed and kicked her out at six. She had missed Enishi's laptop almost more than the man himself because the convenience was amazing. While she rode the bus back home in the cold dark evening, there was a fleeting thought that it was disappointing to not be able to see him, to have those little moments of triumph when she got him to respond to a non-statistics question, or to watch the magical workings of his mind when he was doing her math problems. In a way, since their association was so prescribed and with an expiration date, it was freeing. If she could sit at a table with Enishi Yukishiro and cooperate then maybe she could also find it in her to finish that degree and get out of her fiscal rut.

He wouldn't have appreciated being symbolic of her overcoming something unpleasant to move on to better things.

Having convinced herself that he was an irresponsible and selfish prick, it was with utter shock when she answered her doorbell on Monday morning at an hour early enough to still see the streetlamps on and Enishi Yukishiro in the flesh was partially slumped in the doorframe. One lens of his glasses looked like it was cracked through the center and his eye darkening behind it said the punch he had received was none too gentle. But it was the blood soaking his dark suit and dripping down his fingers to mar her welcome mat that both shocked and galvanized her.

"Come and sit at the kitchen table. I'll call an ambulance!" Not knowing how or where he was injured, her decision to pull him inside by the vee of his suit vest was probably a bad idea, but he let her. She slammed the door and guided him by the non-bleeding arm to the kitchen. When she realized she was clutching him with white knuckled hands she suddenly let go with a guilty peep.

"Kamiya," he said calmly, repeatedly, as she stormed around him.

"I think I have some first aid supplies in the bathroom, and my phone's in the bedroom so I'll pop over and get it, but don't move too much I don't know what's happened or how much blood you've lost or… _are you ok?_ " Kaoru was in full panic, having tried to go to the bathroom, the bedroom, and back to Enishi in the kitchen all without accomplishing any of her objectives. She had done it again, assumed the worst and here was the living proof he hadn't stood her up on purpose, that he was badly injured. The guilt was consuming her. Memories of her father were consuming her.

"Kaoru!" He had not raised his voice at her since they had started the tutoring, and somehow this shocked her back into the present. "No emergency services. I'm not here for that."

"Not here for that?! You obviously need help!"

"This," he gestured at his bleeding arm that had already left a few crimson drops on her faded light blue linoleum, "is under control for now. I need to know if you still have that phone."

The situation had twisted too many screws in Kaoru's mind, such that this totally broke her thought pattern from hospitals and home remedies. "You're here… for the phone."

He leveled his calm stare at her while she worked through worry, anger, confusion, and confounding old memories. When he noted she wasn't going to be moving to fetch that phone any time soon, he shrugged out of his suit jacket and examined the wound in his arm through the bloody hole in his once expensively tailored robin's egg blue dress shirt. He was right that it wasn't bleeding so freely now that he was stationary. Kaoru watched him tear the sleeve off from the wound site down, depositing the bloody fabric on her kitchen table. That tablecloth was probably toast thanks to his carelessness. It had ugly hand stitched turkeys on its center, and she had always brought it out after Halloween. Now she'd probably have to consign it to the dustbin.

No emergency services. Probably no police as well. And he always paid for everything in crisp cash.

Suddenly chilled in a house she often didn't bother to heat well and far too aware that she was in her pajamas and ratty old yellow robe, Kaoru wondered if she should tell her friends he was here. She should really call someone. "Is anyone looking for you?" Or text.

"Not here."

That was small comfort. "Why me? I'm sure one of your _employees_ has a phone you can borrow."

Enishi noticed how she had gone from hovering mother hen to practically cowering near the kitchen entrance and his slight frown said a lot. "I don't know who I can trust right now. You exist outside of this little problem."

"And your condo?"

"An unknown quantity." Something like annoyance flashed across his face. He pulled broken glasses from his bloodshot eyes and slightly squinted in her direction. "I realize given our… history… you might be disinclined to help me. If that's the case I'll leave."

He had probably been awake all night, and he had definitely been in a fight. He had come to her for help. He said he couldn't trust anyone, and then he had come to her. There was a sinking feeling in her heart, that soft pit that made room for all sorts of misfits since she was a kid and ran at Misao's schoolyard bully with fists flying and earned a friend for life in the smaller girl. The vulnerable were her people. Enishi was about as vulnerable as an injured tiger, but damn it all he had come to find her and how could she turn him away into the unknown by himself?

"I didn't say I wouldn't help you," Kaoru said sharply, reentering the kitchen and retying her shabby robe belt. "I'll get the first aid kit and then I'll make us some eggs. I'll get some clean sheets for the couch, too."

"I just need the phone." Enishi insisted, his mouth quirking up as Kaoru made suggestions for his care as if preparing for a battle.

"You'll get that phone after you've eaten and rested and not before!" She scolded, more shrill than she meant to be but unwilling to give on this point. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was scolding herself as well for being a complete idiot, but she simply couldn't kick him out. "… And showered. I'll go find you some clothes. I don't need you getting blood all over my sheets."

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Texting Megumi furiously, Kaoru had tried to convince her friend that she absolutely didn't need to visit today and that perhaps lunch would be better next week. Megumi, knowing Kaoru as well as she did, was having none of it and after threats to come over that moment only relented when Kaoru spilled the beans that she had male company. The amount of amusement at Kaoru's expense in Megumi's texts should have been illegal. Yes, he was over awfully early. No, he hadn't spent the night. No, she wasn't lying. Yes, they would be occupied all day. No, that wasn't a euphemism for something more salacious.

Kaoru was ready to fry up her cell phone instead of the eggs, when Enishi put her out of her digital misery and marched into the kitchen. She wanted to reflexively apologize again for the clothes, but instead they both ignored the poor fit of Yahiko's old soccer jersey and track pants. The shirt was so tight it was like a second skin and the pants were both too tight and too short. Enishi was sporting a fair amount of ankle, and it looked like if he flexed hard enough he might burst a seam but since the fabric was all built to stretch anyway the danger was likely all in her imagination.

"Egg?" She slid an overcooked fried egg on now slightly cold buttered white toast in front of him at the table, and then joined him with her own even colder version of the same breakfast.

Normally her kitchen felt enormous, lonely and cavernous. Every noise seemed to echo, and silence was the enemy. With Enishi here sitting across from her it felt like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room let alone space. Her eyes kept flicking over to his arm, where a bloody stripe was visible on the bandage from her first aid kit he had put on after his shower. She wondered if he needed stitches. She figured he didn't think it important even if she was concerned. By the time she worked up the nerve to say something, she met unblinking blue-green eyes behind cracked glasses and immediately flushed crimson even if she had done nothing to warrant embarrassment.

"It's ok, I know it's bad. You don't have to spare my feelings." She took another bite of her own egg, wishing she hadn't spaced out while texting and cooked the eggs until they reached the consistency of rubber. Typical.

Enishi merely nodded and took a couple more bites, grimacing each time. Kaoru told herself maybe he had a bruised jaw instead of her egg and toast being nearly inedible. That black eye was certainly looking rather vicious.

"Hold on, I think I have something for your eye…" Kaoru stood up too quickly and had to steady herself at the kitchen counter before she grabbed a kitchen towel and a bag of frozen spinach that she had to brush frost from as she unearthed it from the back of the freezer. "You should be icing it, after all. Other than the eye and your arm, is there anything else I should be worried about?"

Pushing the last of the egg aside, Enishi accepted the makeshift ice pack with a sneer even as his words belied his cooperative actions up until now. "It's all superficial. If you'd give me that phone I can go about my business."

Anger cleared the cobwebs of worry and self-consciousness. "Oh sure, so you can stumble around town in bloodstained clothes? Sleep. Once you wake up we'll see if I think you're in good enough shape to leave."

His glare was softened by the spinach blocking half of it. "Most of that blood wasn't mine, if that was your concern."

The shiver was involuntary, but she wasn't conceding and giving up the phone just yet. "Either way I'm no dry cleaner. I have to call in a favor, but I think I can get you some clothes. No promises."

"My clothes are sufficient once they dry."

Kaoru wasn't about to hear any more of this. "Your shirt has one arm missing!"

Enishi seemed to be done with the conversation because he didn't answer her so much as stand up and stride back to the living room where Kaoru had prepped the couch with sheets, blankets, and a pillow. She followed him, not done with what she was pretty sure was an argument she was only partially winning even if he was following orders for now.

Clearly too long in the leg to fully stretch out on Kaoru's couch, Enishi gave a huff of disgust and dropped the bag of frozen spinach to the side. "When I wake up I expect to see that phone, Kamiya."

Kaoru was seething with unsaid words as he dropped his broken glasses next to the spinach, turned his back to her, and appeared to otherwise fall asleep. It was a dismissal, even if she had told him that was the condition he had to meet if he wanted the phone. What an ungrateful bastard! She should have just handed him the phone and kicked him out in the cold in those ridiculous clothes!

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By the time she had gone to her own room and changed into some faded jeans and a comfortable old purple sweater that had gone from a teenage favorite to slightly threadbare and nostalgic, Kaoru had already traded more texts with Megumi. Having deleted Sanosuke's number in a fit of pique after the whole car repair incident, she had needed to have someone send his contact information again. Then, having brokered a deal with him (she would buy him a pizza and stop telling all their friends what a terrible mechanic he was) Sano was willing to bring some clothes over.

Naturally, he had questions as to why she needed men's clothing on short notice. Kaoru told him it was none of his business. Sano, unlike Megumi, simply shrugged off her defensiveness and left her alone. There were plenty of reasons Sano and Kaoru had had words with one another in the past, but personality differences aside he did always respect her privacy when she asked him to and she could admire that part of the amateur boxer's approach to life. He was far too laissez faire about just about everything else.

It wasn't long until Kaoru met Sano at the end of her driveway, and accepted a garbage bag tied up with tape that the tall man withdrew from the storage compartment on his motorcycle. In it would be a shirt, a coat, and some pants. From the tilt of her head as she glanced up at Sano's messy helmet hair, Enishi was about as tall so this should be a bit more practical than Yahiko's cast offs from high school.

"You're going to catch a cold riding a motorcycle in winter."

"Hey, missy, it's still fall technically. Besides, it's always good weather for a ride." A blatant lie, but he was devoted to the esthetic of the motorcycle life and his tough guy persona so Kaoru let it slide without an argument to the contrary. Sano looked down the driveway, eyes sliding over the car he couldn't fix and blatantly baited her. "Your boyfriend too bashful to meet me?"

Kaoru tried to step in front of him, even if that was useless given how short she was in comparison. "He's resting. He got, uh, mugged last night and he needs time to recover."

"Raw deal. Don't worry about the clothes, I'll just tell Megs I ruined another pair of jeans. She always digs up more in my size at the thrift shop somehow." Sano hadn't even paused at Kaoru's terrible lie, possibly because she had expressed to him it wasn't his business, but equally possible he didn't really care. Drama wasn't really his thing. "Are you sure I can't come in for a quick glass of water?" Now he was teasing her, wide smile lighting up his eyes and reminding Kaoru why Megumi kept this shiftless bum around. Sano was such an easy person to be around, perfect for her high-strung friend.

Deflection was all Kaoru had left. "Go see Megumi today. I had to break plans with her so I know she's free. Plus you don't look like you're doing anything important."

All Sano did was snort and ruffle her hair as if she were a kid, messing it up while Kaoru protested. He was barely older than her, a couple years at best, but he liked to act like she was his bratty kid sister. Sometimes it was refreshing, but her nerves were too raw from this morning to be able to take Sano with much grace.

"You're just lucky I didn't have anything going on today. Stay safe, missy." Sano plopped his helmet on his head and started up his bike. He was gone in a puff of exhaust and Kaoru wondered if he would really visit Megumi today. Probably, but then he enjoyed his free time on his own as well. Watching Sano and Megumi circle one another was more like being close to two housecats that generally but not necessarily got along in each other's company.

Kaoru watched the bike round the corner and then with a shiver she walked back in, garbage bag of clothes in hand. Enishi appeared to still be asleep, so Kaoru took the bag into her room and ripped it open. Sano had been nice enough to at least pull from whatever his clean pile was, and there was a musty odor to them that she associated with the thrift shop more than Sano's particular brand of body spray so it was likely these had never even been worn by him.

"I assume those are for me."

Startled, Kaoru instinctively grabbed the closest and hardest object and threw it in the direction of the perceived threat. Enishi elegantly dodged her old digital alarm clock and Kaoru flinched as she heard it no doubt shatter in the hallway behind him. She could always use her phone, but the clock had been a nice useful little relic of a simpler time in her life.

"You could knock!" She finished lamely as Enishi gave her a placid stare that somehow also managed to be judgmental.

"You could stand to be a little more aware of your surroundings. I wasn't attempting to frighten you."

Rather than discuss her failings any more than they already had, Kaoru walked over and thrust the wad of clothes at Enishi. He accepted them from her, their hands brushing in the exchange long enough to set fire to Kaoru's blood in a way unlike her previous fight reflex. It was ominous, a sign of something she didn't want to accept right now about herself.

"Get dressed and I'll get you your phone. A deal's a deal, even if I think you need more rest. You still look like hell." A half-truth. He seemed much more alert after a mere hour and a half of sleep, regardless of his still bloodshot eyes. "Well go on, I'm not going to show you where I hid it even if I'm giving it up."

Kaoru waited a few rapid heartbeats after his retreat then she started to dig through her closet. It was a mess of clothes, shoes, bed linens, and other miscellany that she hadn't had a place for when she had come home tired. It would be a nightmare to sort through it at this point for the average person who couldn't see the method in the madness, but among the plush chaos was a plastic wrapped box and she cradled it to her chest in triumph once she located it.

This time, when Enishi silently crept back to her room, she was facing the door so it was less shocking when he addressed her. "I trust you didn't break it in the interim."

All too aware that he could see into her messy bedroom closet, Kaoru squared up her shoulders and owned it. "If the screen is cracked I'm sure you're more than capable of returning it, seeing as you were the one who bought it in the first place." She smiled as sweetly as she could. "Or did you not keep the receipt?"

Aqua eyes rolled behind broken glasses and Enishi held out his hand to accept the phone. Kaoru noticed that while he was wearing clothes that were clearly in Sano's style that there was absolutely nothing careless or casual about the way Enishi held himself in torn jeans and a band tee with bleach spots on it. His posture was still a chiropractor's dream.

Enishi's eyes darted over the phone as he peeled off the plastic and started it up. "I'll stay long enough to charge this, then I'll be leaving." There was a determined glint in his eye that told Kaoru he was plotting something terrible for whoever had caused this situation for him. "I'll forget about how you delayed me. You'll find I repay my debts generously. I incur them rarely enough."

"I didn't do this to be repaid!" Kaoru responded testily to his retreating back.

She was annoyed again. And hungry. It wasn't even lunch time yet, and it didn't take that long to charge a phone. Maybe Megumi would want to have a meal with her after all. She knew that she needed to decompress, even if she couldn't tell anyone the whole story. This situation with Enishi was getting more complicated than she liked, but even free food wouldn't loosen her lips about the real problem.

"I'm so screwed," she whispered to herself as she performed a little experiment and pictured Enishi as he might have looked changing his clothes in the living room, sculpted muscles on display. Still fine. Then she pictured him leaving her home and walking into an unknown fight against a faceless enemy. Slightly dizzy with concern, she forced herself to sit down heavily on her bed. She could ignore simple lust, but this felt like more. There simply wasn't room in this arrangement between her and Yukishiro for more. "... so screwed..."


	4. Chapter 4

Kaoru was trying to calm her breathing and stop her leg from twitching as she was waiting for Enishi to make his appearance at their study session. She had been rehearsing her words to herself under her breath ever since she had gotten the package in the mail with the expensive (!) new (!) laptop (!) that shipped with the full invoice showing her Yukishiro had spared absolutely no expense and found the top of the line solid state tech monstrosity to apparently gift to her. When she saw how much he had paid through what she assumed was some sort of shell company, she had sucked in air so fast that she had swallowed her own spit the wrong way and sat there hacking in her living room and cursing him in her mind.

Kaoru Kamiya was not a charity case! She was marshalling herself through life dammit all, and giving him a place to crash for a couple hours one morning was not something that required thousands of dollars of compensation. A thank you, surely, maybe even a meal or a bottle of wine or something… Enishi's thought patterns were so beyond Kaoru that she wasn't even sure he'd understand why she was mad. This wasn't normal and it smacked of pity.

By the time Enishi made his eminently punctual appearance at the bookstore to commence with their second to last statistics homework session, Kaoru was exactly the mess of nerves she had told herself she would not be. He still sported a fading black eye, but the fussy glasses were intact now, and he was in his normal high fashion athleisure so surely whatever difficulties he had been facing in his organization were largely resolved.

"I take it you were able to go back home safely." Kaoru greeted him curtly, forcing herself not to cross her arms defensively from the start. She had coached herself on this, she could be polite, curse it all.

"I dealt with my security flaws. There are loose ends, but they will be seen to before the end of the month." Oh lord, did he mean killing people? She wasn't so sure. But if he meant killing people he wouldn't mention it casually, right?

There was more to bristle about than expensive tech purchased with blood money, however. "And I suppose one of those flaws you were addressing included posting some creepy old man outside my house at night?!" The pile of cigarette butts had been noticeable by day two, and while she had considered calling the police there had a been a certain surly reluctance to the man bundled in a black coat two sizes too large. He didn't give off a vibe like he was doing anything other than freezing his butt off just far away enough from her property line that even if she did call the cops they would have assumed she was an anxious single female reading too much into an old homeless man's smoke breaks.

"Gein was ordered to observe not interact. The directives were clear so if he failed then I can always—"

"He didn't talk to me, but it was pretty obvious he was there to watch me when he was waiting for me at all my jobs, just across the street. I mean…" Kaoru flicked her chin out, indicating the storefront across the street where at one time a badly disguised Misao had thought to hide. "He's pretty much the worst at subtlety. He's been using the same newspaper for days to pretend like he's doing something every time I try to make eye contact."

Enishi had enough grace to cringe a little. "He was the only man I could spare. The others are occupied with slightly more arduous tasks. Gein's arthritis makes him an unreliable shot in cold weather."

Straight up pretending as if he had not just said that, Kaoru decided to fall back to the safer and easily as annoying topic. "Well, you can tell him I'm fine and I don't need a babysitter. And while you're at it you can take this back." Kaoru slid the laptop, in its now retaped box, back towards her visibly stiffening companion.

"No." Enishi strode the rest of the distance that separated them and stood nearly toe to toe with Kaoru, daring her to explode in the face of his calm command.

"No? No to what?!"

"Both. You providing me with aide for as long as you did, against my instructions, probably attracted some unneeded attention to our association. While Gein has been posted near your house, he's also observing a blind corner and can be explained away as a scout if no one outside of my inner circle has made the explicit connection." Kaoru didn't know what to say to that, so she flattened her mouth out into a slim bloodless line. "And as for the computer, it looks like it came from a Six Comrades, Inc. Take it up with them."

The way his mouth turned up at the corners he knew exactly what he was saying and how it would wind her up because Kaoru felt her lungs swell from the indrawn breath of pure indignation. The words were ill conceived as they passed her lips, arms flailing at her sides. "I'm not here to squeeze money or favors out of being a decent person! I don't need some—some—" She struggled to come up with a word for what Enishi kept doing to her and picked the exact wrong thing out of a corner of her mind, "Kind of _sugar daddy_ to keep me in stupid gadgets!"

There was a deadly silence between them as Kaoru wished she could snatch words out of the air with suitably fast hands while her face slowly burned. Turns out in her awkwardness, she had no other recourse than digging her own grave deeper.

"Not that you're my—I mean not that we are like, um, that." Kaoru took one large step back in retreat, fight fading with embarrassment. She closed her eyes a moment with force, opening them to see that the object of her discomfort was still only an arm's length away. It took all of her pride, but she took another step back for safety.

Up until this moment Enishi Yukishiro was like a beautifully packaged, yet larcenous, brain floating around her and causing turmoil. Kaoru was not an unattractive woman, and she had worked in the service industry long enough to know when the male gaze was resting on her with intent. Eyes that had never bothered to consider her as a woman before, to her knowledge, suddenly swept over her with calculated interest. What had she wrought with her poor word choice?

A little bit more breathless than she expected to be, Kaoru saw Enishi gesture towards the table. "We have work to do. And unless you plan on going to the library, you'll need to get out that laptop you pointedly refuse to accept. Mine, as it so happens, has disappeared from my condo along with a number of other possessions that I have yet to retrieve."

"If you hadn't showed up to my house bleeding this week, I would think you were lying about the laptop to trap me into using this thing."

The chair Enishi pulled out for himself made a sudden squeak as it scraped the floor, and Kaoru felt herself start at the noise. In comparison, Yukishiro was a mask of calm indifference, deigning not to respond as he pulled her open textbook over and began to work through the problem set with his usual efficiency. She started to think his earlier appraisal of her had been in her imagination. Slowly, Kaoru eased herself into the chair opposite and pulled out her keys to saw at the many passes of tape she had used to reseal the box.

Quicker than a blink, a knife materialized in front of Enishi. He held it out to her with his left hand, still writing something down with his right. She had barely seen him move and now a wicked looking blade was poised next to her. Taking a deep breath, not wanting him to see how his slight of hand had shaken her, Kaoru plucked the knife slowly from his grasp. Her fingers brushed over his knuckles as she extracted the handle he loosely gripped and as she concentrated on cutting through the thick tape without damaging the laptop she felt his burning eyes on her again.

Had Kaoru planted a seed of awareness in his brain with her careless words? Or merely encouraged something that already lurked in his psyche? It was a good thing they only had one more session after this or she might end up doing something stupid like asking him on a date. Kaoru didn't need any more of Enishi Yukishiro in her life than was strictly necessary, but as his pencil flew over the college ruled notebook she had to acknowledge that she very much needed him for math. All other purposes weren't going to bring her anything other than heartache and complications.

Maybe now was the time to start planting different sorts of seeds in the minds of her friends that this relationship was starting to crack. It had only been a little less than two months, it didn't need to be an elaborate breakup.

Cheating on her? No, he didn't seem like the type. He barely seemed like he was interested in people.

Job too busy? No, then she'd have to make up some reason why it was busy. Worse, she'd probably have to know something about what he did for the sake of realism and she couldn't very well say his profession was 'mobster.' Even she thought that sounded silly.

Ah, personalities weren't compatible! That was the truth, wasn't it? Enishi was hot and cold in turns, arrogant, suspicious, history of violence…not exactly boyfriend material.

As he pushed glasses up the bridge of his nose absently and scratched out answers to math problems in those sharp, precise numbers that flowed from his pen it was hard to remember the details of their most unfortunate encounter. Time and casual association had retconned it into something more like a hilarious misunderstanding and not the police actionable assault it had been. Kaoru had to actively remind herself that she despised this man. But then she didn't really think of him as her enemy, either.

"You shouldn't need me to explain much about this set. They are insultingly easy, even you can't find much to stumble on." He pushed the notebook across the table and instead pulled the computer over and started it up, the bright light from the monitor obscuring his eyes behind reflective lenses.

Kaoru swallowed an angry response to his left-handed compliment and picked apart his answers to fill in the work that needed to be shown. No, not an enemy but certainly not a _friend_ either.

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Kaoru hadn't worked a Thanksgiving in years, but then she had previously spent Thursdays at the fencing studio until her recent schedule change and they always closed for the holiday weekend. A shocking number of people ordered food for takeout she realized, and there were even several small groups of people having their 'friendsgiving' celebrations at the restaurant itself. Tae and Sae were with their family, and Kaoru was on her own juggling small groups and phone orders. It was busy, but maybe busy was what she needed. It was helpful to have a good excuse not to go to Thanksgiving at Misao's house this year. It would have been too hard making up excuses for why Enishi was not with her at a major holiday event, and with one more study session to go (summary review problem set before the final exam) Kaoru wasn't ready to stage her breakup yet. She wasn't that good of an actress.

The only concession to the holiday was early closing hours tonight, so Kaoru eyed the clock warily as the door opened with not only a blast of cold air but a slight dusting of snow and a familiar frame divested a suit jacket as he entered. Enishi was already loosening his tie when Kaoru nodded towards his usual table, her arms loaded down with a huge tray of dirty dishes.

"I'll bring the tea in a minute." He nodded in passing at her comment, glasses fogged from the transition from outside to inside.

Gathering hot tea and a nice cup on a clean tray, Kaoru wondered why he had seemed surprised to see her. Surely he knew what days she worked, because he was very careful not to show up during them for the most part. There had been a few times, but he always acted like they didn't know one another and Kaoru always ended up giving herself a pep talk at the end of his meal about how that's exactly what she wanted. It never really worked, she always felt a little bit hurt at the snub.

"Happy Thanksgiving." Kaoru said with a smile, dropping off his tea and pulling her order pad from her apron and pen from behind her ear.

Enishi had been pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, glasses on the table in front of him. He looked tired, but not the bone deep about to drop kind he had projected that day he had come to her house. This was more the normal 'had a bad day at work' look she had seen on enough business types who stopped by at the end of the day and before she could even think about it the words that were on her mind instead made it to her lips.

"Hard day?"

Enishi cracked open those angel eyes of his and gave Kaoru a withering look. He slid his glasses back on his face and worked at rolling up his sleeves before he poured himself his first cup of tea. "Soup dumplings, two orders. Peking duck. Rice. Bring a second pot of tea with the food."

"I'll put the order in and be back with your water in a moment." She knew disappointment was writ large on her face but she couldn't even pretend she was unaffected tonight, she was so wrung out from work already. Maybe he didn't want to talk about his troubles, and Kaoru didn't want to know any more about his work than she already did, but would it kill him to make small talk?

Instead of worrying about the man in the corner table who quickly whipped out a familiar phone and began texting with a stormy look while he waiting for his food, Kaoru simply fetched his water. She may have slammed it on the table with more force than intended, but it didn't seem as if he noticed over whatever conversation he was having online. It was mostly easy to forget about him as she cleaned up the tables and saw guests out. There were two more take out orders for pick up that she dutifully reported, but her eyes kept wandering over to Enishi who was methodically working through his meal.

Mechanically, he ate. Once the food had arrived his phone had disappeared from sight. He might have been the kind of person who was perfectly happy eating alone, but even so he gave the food itself his full attention when it came out. That was one of the first things that had made Kaoru notice him when she had come to work here what felt like eons ago. She kept tabs on him, making sure his water was full while cleaning off tables and sweeping the floor. As soon as Yukishiro was done she would put up chairs and finish closing up the front of the house. In a way, she was in no rush because in the darkening outdoors it seemed like a dusting of early snow was coating everything with a slippery sheen. Bussing it tonight was going to be extra cold, but she always liked it when it first started to snow because she enjoyed the way it caught the light in the streetlamps while she waited.

Kaoru printed out his check and was piling his dirty dishes onto a tray when he caught her attention. His wallet was thick with cash and he peeled off bills as he asked her a question. "So what next?"

"Pardon?" She wiped her hands down her apron as she stacked the last dish, and turned towards Enishi who was rolling down his sleeves having already stuffed cash in with the check.

"So you finish your class, what next? An economics class? Lectures where business majors try to outdo one another for status points that won't matter in the real world?"

Crossing her arms defensively, Kaoru tried not to snap at him. "I was thinking about advanced accounting classes. Maybe tax law."

"It will be a waste of money and time, just like your statistics class." He sneered. What had crawled in his craw?! Sure he'd clearly been having a bad day but coming here to stress eat and then take out his irritation on her was really childish. Unfortunately, she was already riled and not about to walk away.

"That's for me to decide. You don't get to be one that ranks the worthiness of my education!"

Enishi choked out something like a laugh, but his expression was cruel as he tore her down. "I know you don't make decisions in your own best interest. From what I've seen you never do what _you_ want, you don't follow your instincts."

"That's a lucky thing for you because my _instincts_ are telling me to slam this tray full of dirty dishes over your head!" Kaoru snatched up the check. "Wait right there, _Mr. Yukishiro_." She said his name with as much venom as she could muster, practically spit it out between clenched teeth.

How dare he! Finance topics might be dry as unbuttered toast and boring to boot, but they were her key to a more secure future for her and her brother. At least she thought it was. Now a tiny voice wondered if she was consigning her soul to a slow death in a corporate machine somewhere. Had she really chosen this because she liked it, or because she had some history in it and it was easy? It wasn't as if she could say it was her passion…

Doubting herself? That was all that white-haired bastard's fault!

"Here. I even broke a one for you, like usual. Even though you didn't ask for it. Because I'm nice like that." Kaoru plopped the receipt in front of him with a clatter of change in the plastic tray.

"You think you know better than me, but I promise you the average businessman is just as crooked as my colleagues. You don't belong in that world."

"Oh? And do I belong in yours then?"

"They would swallow you whole and shit you out." It was matter of fact, without a trace of the rancor his earlier words held. Kaoru's answering shiver had nothing to do with cold.

Enishi looked hollowed out, but Kaoru couldn't prevent herself from saying more partially because she didn't want him to have the last word and partially because she knew she didn't deserve whatever it was that was happening in this moment.

"Just because you had a bad day doesn't mean you get to come to my workplace and punch holes in my dreams. What gives you that right?!"

"Bad day?" There was a frantic edge to his rising voice. "Bad day! You don't know anything. You've never devoted your life to something, sweat for it, bled for it, and then when its finally in your grasp to have it yanked away from you because of the clumsy scheming of a subordinate that couldn't wait six more fucking months for his due." Enishi was clutching his hands into tight fists on top of the table, knuckles that had apparently only healed recently splitting open with red fissures. Who or what had he punch so hard and so frequently to cause those injuries in the first place? Kaoru wanted to run, but instead stood transfixed by his sudden break. "I had a name, and I would have had the address given a few more negotiations, but Heishin's enthusiasm exposed my mole and now witness protection moved him again. He was a fucking butcher! And now the Manslayer is gone again, escaping my justice…"

Kaoru wasn't quite following his words, but she knew he wasn't exactly sane in this moment. It had happened again—he had reached a point of crisis and instead of suffering through it alone he had come to find her. Sure he was trying to drag her down into his own personal hell with him, but on top of her very justified anger at him for being a selfish bastard there were pinpricks of pity as well. Wallowing in a problem wasn't her style, life couldn't move forward like that. Then again, she didn't think that Enishi was really in a frame of mind to hear that message and it wasn't her responsibility to snap him out of his madness. She wasn't his family. She wasn't his friend, probably. But somehow she had been cast in this role as his sin eater and she didn't know where to go with it.

"I don't know what you want me to say right now," Kaoru cautiously began.

"Don't say anything." Enishi hissed, interrupting her. "I just need you to sit down and shut up. Don't even breathe."

Kaoru sat down at the table next to his, wondering if she should signal for help. He wasn't in his right mind. He was dangerous. He seemed to both need something from her and want nothing from her. Minutes ticked by as Enishi stared down at his clenched fists.

The door opened with a clang and someone called out, wanting to pay for their order for pick up. Kaoru slowly slid out of her seat eyeing Enishi who was as still as if he had been sculpted that way. She engaged in what seemed very much like a normal yet dissonant conversation with the lady picking up the food about Thanksgiving and family and the stressors of the holidays. While she was laughing with the woman about how much butter was too much in stuffing and making sure all the containers were properly secured in the bag, Enishi slipped out without so much as making eye contact. Kaoru felt a breath she had been holding ease out of her lungs that spelled pure relief.

It wasn't until after she had rung up the last take out order and locked the front door of the restaurant that she came back to Enishi's table and saw in addition to his precisely calculated meal there were a few more bills with the receipt wrapped around them. _Take a cab_ , he had written on the back of the flimsy paper.

That night as she worked on the review statistics problems with the focus of a person who simply can't bring themselves to think about other things, she contemplated what kind of illness she should fake so that she could call out sick on Sunday.

Maybe it was better not to get too specific with the symptoms. After all, she would be 'better' by the following weekend.


	5. Chapter 5

Misao plied Kaoru with another drink as Kaoru vainly tried to insist that more eggnog was not what she needed. All the bourbon in it was going to her head while the belly full of cream wasn't doing her any favors as she nervously accepted congratulations from friends and acquaintances at the Christmas party about passing her class. While well intentioned, Misao's hovering was in fact filling Kaoru with soul crushing guilt.

"You didn't need that pretentious jerkoff, just enjoy yourself and crash on our couch tonight!" Misao, who was so skinny a stiff breeze could rock her off her feet, had already had more than a few cups of 'eggnog' in addition to a few shots while preparing for the party. She claimed it helped her relax, but Kaoru figured it was a handy excuse to get drunk off her face without Soujirou circling her like an overprotective hawk. Misao's garish holiday sweater dress looked like it had had at least a little bit of eggnog spilled on it already, not that her friend showed any other outward signs of drunkenness.

Megumi was sprawled out on the sectional, already tired and in her work clothes, as she was making a short appearance before heading out for her shift. Sano was trying to drape himself on her while she comically kept shoving him away and sometimes off the couch entirely. Eventually she would storm off to smoke on the balcony and Sano would come find her and grovel. Their connection was weird, Kaoru thought, but it worked. Wisps of jealousy, a new emotion when observing the pair, filtered through Kaoru's alcohol soaked thoughts.

She was mentally gauging the likelihood of getting caught for edging to the kitchen and dumping her eggnog in the sink when a familiar smiling face edged into her vision. Unable to keep from startling a little bit, Kaoru reminded herself that Soujirou didn't mean to scare her. At least she was pretty sure he didn't mean to scare her. He had that way of going from nonexistent to suddenly present and she supposed it had a lot to do with how he had grown up with a socialite mother who appeared to trade up husbands every five to seven years. Gliding around, generally friendly but mostly unnoticed would have served him in good stead. In his understated forest green buttonup he contrasted sharply with Misao, and yet the pair together were a scene so domestic Kaoru swore her teeth started to ache.

"Kaoru, we're so happy you could come tonight when you have work tomorrow," Soujirou wrapped an arm around Misao who had long ago learned to lean in to Soujirou's sudden appearances.

"You know, it's the time of year to see friends and whatnot." She had almost said 'and family' but she wasn't even sure Yahiko was coming back for his break. Kaoru hoped he would, but saying it out loud was too vulnerable. "I tried to make rumballs for today, but um, I think I put in too much rum and they ended up a little… sticky."

Misao laughed, "I put them in some plastic shot glasses and told people it was rum pudding, don't worry about it."

"I thought perhaps you would bring your boyfriend, but Misao told me you were no longer dating." Misao elbowed her significant other sharply in the ribs but he continued his thought to the end anyway, dark eyes thoughtful. "Misao said his name was Enishi Yukishiro? How uncommon. I've heard it before, perhaps he's an associate of my step-father." Soujirou rarely said Mr. Shishio's name out loud these days. It held a lot of clout in this town, as well as some connotations that were less than savory. "If so, I agree with Misao's previous assessment."

Soujirou gave Misao a chaste kiss on the cheek and a shining smile before moving away to circulate among their guests. It was a strange combination of trust fund babies and working class friends, so Soujirou was elected as the peace keeper to guide people away from the unholy trinity of religion, health, and politics in this crowd. Mostly, he was excellent at steering conversations so Kaoru knew his blunt comments about Enishi had been his version of a warning. Yukishiro must have his fingers in a lot of pies to have done a favor for a politician of Makoto Shishio's caliber. Just another reminder he lived not just on a different world but in a different dimension.

It would be better to forget about him and move on.

"Come on, let me introduce you to one of Soujirou's friends from work…" And the games had begun, as if Misao could forcibly rebound Kaoru in time for New Year.

"I thought you said that all Soujirou's work friends were stuffed shirts with no sense of fun."

Normally quicker, Kaoru wasn't able to dodge Misao's deceptively strong grip as her friend hauled her over to what she vainly hoped was not a set-up. Megumi, from the couch, gave Kaoru a mocking salute. Her friends really sucked sometimes.

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Sundays had suddenly become tiresome, but this one was particularly hard because Kaoru was nursing a hangover. More people were stopping by than usual because of the approaching holiday, but other than being slightly busier making hot drinks and selling gift cards Kaoru couldn't say that she was actually fully distracted from the gaping hole that Enishi had left in her life. After she had ghosted him for their last study session there hadn't been so much as a glimpse of him from afar. The only remnant of him in her life was the persistent presence of the older man—Gein—still 'protecting' her. By the time Kaoru was cleaning up shop, tongue still fuzzy in her mouth, she had had enough.

"I need to talk to Enishi." Kaoru walked up to Gein in his usual spot across the street. He had taken to puffy down coats in off black and heavy black gloves with a baclava to stay warm in his constant outdoor vigils. He also wasn't a fast mover, so it wasn't hard to catch up to him even when he tried to bolt. The ever present bags under the older man's dark eyes didn't tell Kaoru much beyond signaling weariness. She could relate to that at least.

Still, her words startled him, eyes rolling around in his head as if looking for a better path of escape. "Look, I was told hold pattern until the end of the month. Can't you keep pretending I don't exist and bugger off back to your little life?"

His growl didn't threaten her, Enishi was far more menacing and even he couldn't cow her. "Then tell me where I can find him."

"Hah!" Kaoru wasn't intimidating the older man either, and it was going to take something else to draw out Enishi's location. While she tried to think of what she could possibly bargain with, he pulled down his baklava enough to pop a cigarette in between his lips. "We're done here."

"Wait! What if I promise to get him to switch out your job with someone else." She said it hastily, knowing it was probably the only thing that would sound convincing and yet there was no plan for how she accomplished that next step of making good on said promise. "Or you can spend another couple weeks in the cold. I hear it's supposed to be a white Christmas…"

Gein blew a thick puff of smoke in her face while she flinched. "Why would the boss listen to you?"

"I got him to tutor me, didn't I? Who in your entire organization would be able to say something similar?" It was a bluff. Kaoru had already used all her collateral up for that same favor and she had nothing else other than Enishi's goodwill for this other condition. But Gein didn't know that, or Kaoru was banking on Gein not knowing that in any case.

"Shit, I'm gunna regret this. I'm already regretting this." Gein puffed again on his cigarette. "There's a bar near the apartment complex, a real stinking hole, he'll be the one at the bottom of a bottle of gin."

That seemed to be all the information that Kaoru was getting, so as the older man walked away she pulled out her phone and looked up all the bars within a mile of her house. Then she looked for the one with the worst social media ratings. That narrowed it down to three, and one was basically right off the bus stop when she got home. That's where she would start: Rack'em.

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The odor hit Kaoru in the face before she could even process the warm gust that washed over her. The door had a gross tackiness to the handle that disturbed her so her mind was already in an unpleasant place as her eyes flicked from the garish neon sign in the window towards the dark interior of the pool hall. There was a long bar on the left side in dark wood, as if at one time someone thought this would be a classy place to play a game and drink a pint. The regulars who were at the tables to the right gave Kaoru looks that made her want to clutch her metaphorical pearls. Indistinct music played from a jukebox against a wall. Kaoru might have been able to pick out a melody if the blood wasn't rushing loudly in her ears.

She would have turned around and walked straight home given that it was midday on a Sunday and unlikely to be a fruitful search in this armpit of her neighborhood, but she realized she had struck gold when she saw a familiar shock of white hair slumped over on a barstool.

"Come to collect him early today eh?" The bartender looked more like a bouncer, but then Kaoru had no idea what kind of skill set would make a person a good bartender in an establishment like this. All she had done was walk up to Enishi and say his name. He hadn't responded, but she did notice that as soon as she had approached her former stats tutor that every other person in the room suddenly stopped paying attention to her. There was something eerie about it, like they knew better than to take an interest in this man and his associates.

"You could say that…" She hadn't intended anything of the kind, but Enishi looked like literal hell. Pale stubble stood out on his face, long enough to indicate quite a number of days of indifferent shaving. Unfocused aqua eyes continued to stare down at the bar. He didn't have a coat anywhere in sight either, almost like he had arrived in nothing but a thin emerald green track suit despite being nearly winter proper. When Kaoru had leaned over to see if she might be able to catch his eye and she got a whiff of his breath, it was pure juniper berries. "Ok then…"

Kaoru picked up the folded up round glasses that were resting on the bar next to a half full bottle of Bols Genever (that she promptly handed back to the bartender) when Enishi barely responded to her increasingly bold prodding. She'd had practice at this last night when Sano decided to get so inebriated he had tried to find his coat in Misao's refrigerator, and Kaoru bodily slid herself under an arm to stand them up together. She made sure to lean him such that if he fell it would be towards her. The man was just as heavy as Sano, too, like a bag of lead.

"He'll be back to close his tab tomorrow." Kaoru said with a slight waver, anticipating payment to be an issue. There was probably no way she could cover the cost with what she had on her, and she wasn't about to hand over a credit card in a place like this.

"He'll be back is right." The bartender gave a short bark of a laugh at his own joke then wandered down to serve another patron.

Without any other barriers to their egress, Kaoru stumbled and lurched them towards the exit. She kicked open the door a few times, each kick allowing them to gain a bit of ground until finally they managed a less than graceful appearance outside. Enishi wasn't shivering yet, but she knew that even if he couldn't feel the cold that his body was more susceptible to it in this condition and he could easily freeze if she didn't get him somewhere warm.

This was really not how she envisioned this going.

When Kaoru had thought to find Enishi she expected to either get nowhere with it, or to awkwardly hand him a fruitcake or something as well as her thanks for the help he had given her in passing her class. Frankly, in the couple of weeks in which she hadn't seen him she had been absolutely bored out of her mind. Even worse, his words were still careening around her grey matter about how she lived her life for other people.

He might be, once she thought about it, a teensy bit right. Not that he needed to be such a beast about telling her at that time.

Finding him in the middle of a downward spiral hadn't really been in any version of her plan. Taking him back to her home was unthinkable, and really his condo was on the way so it wouldn't hurt to try to deposit him in his proper location. As her purse plopped down her arm to rest in the crook awkwardly, Kaoru tried to shift Enishi and get her strap back on her shoulder to no effect. She leaned him against the side of a building and quickly tried to readjust all her askew clothing while she watched him slowly slide down the exposed brick.

"C'mon, you have got to help me a bit with this…" Kaoru tried scolding and cajoling in turns but the only common denominator through their steady progress was how willing Enishi was to drape his body around her. Eventually they made it to his building, where an interior doorman buzzed the door as Enishi approached. Kaoru tried not make eye contact as if escorting a very drunk Yukishiro was somehow her moral failing and she didn't want to be observed.

It was much warmer inside after they made it through a second set of sliding glass doors that welcomed them into an entranceway of faux marble that led to nothing but dual elevators and another opening to a room that appeared to be the maildrop. Kaoru thought about dumping Enishi's largely prone form here and heading home, but if she hadn't abandoned him before it was even harder to justify it to herself when the journey was almost at its close.

At least this time as he oozed down the wall she leaned him against he appeared to fight to stand under his own power so maybe the alcohol was starting to wear off a bit. Kaoru looked at the small selection of mailboxes until she found E. Yukishiro and then repeated the number to herself over and over until she was reasonably sure she knew where to go and then rejoined her charge in the hallway. He was in the process of slowly leaning sideways using the wall as support, squinting.

"Ah," Kaoru pulled out his glasses from her bag and unfolded them to gently replace them on his face. Once his unfocused eyes encountered her, he pulled her in to a bear hug that stole her breath with its sudden force. She gave a little cough as the moment stretched from spontaneous into excruciatingly prolonged. "We need to get you back home, Enishi," Kaoru said much too loudly into his chest, pushing futilely at what she was reminded was a rather smelly drunk version of this acerbic man.

At last pulling away, Enishi swayed and considered her with half lidded eyes before leaning against her again. Kaoru sighed and directed them to an elevator. It opened with a ding and a well-dressed woman regarded the two of them with amused condescension as she got out. Kaoru closed her eyes as the woman passed as if that could render her invisible. She didn't need anyone else to tell her she didn't belong here. She was well aware.

Kaoru punched the top number and the smooth elevator deposited them on a long floor that held only three doors. The world of luxury condos was very different from the dense apartment complex in which she had been visiting Misao and Soujirou last night. They had a number of neighbors up and down their hallway and even knew a few of them. Kaoru would have been beyond shocked if Enishi had ever spoken to any of his neighbors. They shuffled to his door at the end of the hall and Kaoru poked at her companion.

"Key. Enishi, you'd better have a key on you or I swear—" Kaoru tried to think of something sufficiently threatening but she was drawing a blank. Luckily, Enishi produced a flat silver key from a pocket and after a couple tries got it in the lock he managed to navigate it with a click and swung the door open. He was finding his feet more solidly once they passed the threshold, and she watched him not even bother to close the door behind him as he seemed to find his way by memory in the dark room.

There was a shaft of light from what looked like a partially ripped down drape over the window, and slowly Kaoru's eyes adjusted to the dark. Fumbling along the wall, she flicked several switches until she had apparently turned on a ceiling fan, and a kitchen light at the very least. It was enough to see that Enishi was standing in front of his nearly empty refrigerator and pulling out a bottled water. He dropped down onto the floor of the kitchen, the snap of the bottle opening the only indication he was still conscious behind the high counter.

Kaoru shut the door behind her at last, giving in to curiosity and concern both. The living room which lay straight in front of her looked as if it had been trashed. She recalled he had mentioned that his home had been broken into, but she suspected that was not the cause of this particular brand of destruction. Most people searching for things don't bother to shred curtains or take blades to couch cushions she would expect. There was stuffing, dust, and scraps of fabric all over the place. Pieces of chairs, or possibly stools given there was one intact one butted up against the kitchen counter, lay in random locations. The door to the balcony was open, which explained why it was bitingly cold compared to the hallway.

As she slid the balcony door closed she noted she could practically see her house from here. Did he ever come out here? Did he think of her as she thought of him: reluctantly yet compulsively?

"Clearly, you've encountered some… personal difficulties… but I think this pity party has gone on long enough!" Kaoru strode back through the living room, dodging broken furniture, until she had rounded the bend back into the kitchen and found Enishi staring down at his half-full plastic water bottle as if it contained answers.

Weary eyes met hers and slid back down to the water.

"Nope. Stand up, Enishi. You stink and your condo is basically unlivable." She tried to think about things that Megumi had said to her to snap her out of her own funky moods. "Have some pride!"

He was a rock, a miserable statue planted on his fancy imported tile floor.

"Fine. I am going to turn on some heat and clean up this sty so I don't feel like I'm leaving you in a trash heap. If you decide to join the living then you can start by taking a shower." Surely this would be better than a fruitcake. She'd help him out a little and then dust her hands and forget all about the past few months. First order of business was pulling those blinds away from the huge windows dominating the back wall and getting some light in.

It took far too long pushing buttons on his thermostat before the air seemed to warm. Since she didn't have the luxury of heating her own home as much as she liked she turned it all the way up to a balmy temperature that would finally erase the chill from her bones. Carrying Enishi back to his home had stirred her blood at first, but when she had started sweating she had gotten cold again far too quickly.

Kaoru was grunting, pushing a sectional couch back upright and together when she heard what sounded like a shower start up in another part of the condo. She hadn't even noticed when Enishi had collected himself off the floor and prowled into his bedroom. However, she certainly noticed when he wandered out in nothing but a towel around his shoulders and a pair of fitted grey sweatpants a few minutes later. He hadn't bothered shaving, still, but given how out of it he seemed she was glad he wasn't handling razors.

Silently, he joined in the work of reassembling his living space. Pretty soon it looked respectable, with the debris in a neat enough pile in one corner. Kaoru dusted her hands and smiled, as she had found that if you turned over most of the slashed cushions and shoved them down on the couch that it mostly remained useable. It had taken far longer to sweep up the shattered glass from the coffee table off the plush carpet.

"I couldn't find a vacuum, and you probably don't want to wander around that glassy spot next to the couch until you vacuu—oof" He was holding her again, suddenly, but unlike before when she could muffle her protests against his odiferous green track suit all that was under her face was firm pectorals. Enishi smelled like expensive body wash and for the barest of seconds she closed her eyes before the struggle to escape had to begin.

"Kamiya, don't." It was an order. It was a plea. His voice was low and scratchy, with none of the world-shaking self-assuredness that was his hallmark their entire association. Whatever he was going through had broken him down.

Her heart ached for him, and she hated herself for it. Kaoru was so easy to manipulate, and even as she observed it happening she couldn't shake out of it to save herself. He appeared to be honestly hurting and she empathized, remembering how only Yahiko had prevented her from descending into debilitating depression after their father died. "Drink less. Eat some food. Stop drawing the blinds." She formed words practically against his skin, feeling his arms tighten around her protectively. "Whatever you're feeling will pass."

This time when she pushed away he didn't stop her, and Kaoru got a really good look at his well defined stomach muscles before she could turn away and collect her purse and coat from the floor. She'd be dreaming about those abs tonight, and kicking herself awake out of shame no doubt. Enishi watched her go, jaw tight with words he couldn't speak.

"You're allowed to fall apart, you know," Kaoru said hesitantly before she opened the door to leave. She made the mistake of looking back, meeting eyes that conveyed equal parts resentment and dark invitation. "Let me treat you to dinner sometime, when you're feeling better."

As the door closed behind her, it occurred to Kaoru that that had sounded a lot like she had asked him out on a date when she had really meant it to be more like thanks or encouragement. Immediately behind her she heard a crash, and with a flinch Kaoru suspected the last stool had just met its grisly end at Enishi's hands.

She hurried towards the elevator before she was drawn back into his madness.


	6. Chapter 6

"You look, uh…"

"Gaunt?" Enishi supplied with a twist to his chapped lips that mimicked the way Kaoru's heart clenched in her chest.

"I was going to say 'better than the last time I saw you'." She supplied lamely, unsure where to go with this as a bitter wind wrapped around them and she shivered. "How was your New Year?"

Enishi was impervious to the cold despite being dressed in little more than a black peacoat over a suit. "Unremarkable," seemed to be all he was going to reply to her question.

Trying very hard not to roll her eyes while he was in a position to see her, Kaoru instead adjusted the scarf at her throat and tried a different approach. "I stayed at home, too, pretty much. My brother decided to come home for a visit at the last minute so we saw a movie and then split a bottle of cheap champagne." The less said the better about how Yahiko had still booked it out to meet Tsubame before midnight, leaving Kaoru to finish off the champagne by herself and stream a ball drop and fireworks on her phone as she lay in bed half awake and half drunk. She was happy for him, she was happy he had finally gotten it through his thick skull to make a move on the girl he'd spent all his teen years pining over, but the loneliness had been undeniable.

Enishi's first text to her had come at a vulnerable time, in other words.

"I didn't think you'd actually take me up on dinner, or so soon."

He looked at her as if she were babbling nonsense, "It's been over a month."

"I guess compared to never anything would have seemed soon to me." Honestly, she thought she had seen the last of him. Gein had disappeared from shadowing her, none of Enishi's associates nor the man himself had come to the restaurant, and it wasn't like Kaoru was trawling dive bars looking to save his soul or whatever else she had been trying to achieve that one day. "Your text was a surprise, I guess is what I'm saying..."

There was a twitch to Enishi's walk that implied he was annoyed all of a sudden, his pace speeding to the point that Kaoru had to nearly jog to keep up with his strides with uncomfortable clacks of her heels. "I don't see why 'Happy New Year' is all that remarkable." His voice was as frigid as the air.

"I guess I didn't see you as the type. I expected it from some people, but not from you."

"Would you rather I hadn't?" He stopped suddenly and blew into his hands, rubbing them together to heat them. It was the first sign he was a human being in this weather.

Kaoru, warmed a bit from her near jog, felt a strange temptation to pull off her gloves and let him heat his hands with her own. Sentimental drivel. That's not what this moment was; she needed to get her mind right. Unsure of her own answer to his question she changed the subject. "Is this where we're eating?"

The streetlights illuminated a storefront that, through craftsman glass, showed that candles burned on small tables where couples dined. This was not an establishment that encouraged large groups, and as they entered and Kaoru noted the tasteful modern interior, she suspected that the menu was going to be in a romance language she didn't read or speak.

"I know I said you could pick someplace you like, but you know very well I can only afford an appetizer at a place like this."

"Calm down Kamiya, I owe you far more than a measly dinner."

It wasn't about who owed who, but maybe to him it was and for some reason that was much more understandable than to think they were on an actual date. Kaoru could grasp the Enishi who dealt in favors—the devil she knew. He removed his coat at the table, revealing a black shirt under his black suit. Other than missing a white tie, he could have easily come from a funeral. The hollow cheeks added to the mourning aesthetic. Enishi seemed like he was held together in this moment mostly by willpower, eyes burning bright in the candlelight.

Kaoru thought with some embarrassment about how carefully she had dressed for this before she had gotten in her cab to meet him at a downtown landmark a couple blocks away. She had taken a straight iron to her hair to get rid of any bit of frizz, and the knee length plum dress may have had sleeves down to her elbow but every inch of it conformed to her body and Kaoru wondered why in the world she ever accepted Megumi's cast offs when it really wasn't her style. It almost felt like Kaoru had tried to dress for Enishi instead of herself…

Well, shit.

Fingering the thin gold chain that held a tiny teardrop of amethyst, Kaoru realized at last that she had fully gone into this as if it were a date. Honestly, she wanted Enishi to think she was pretty, otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to dab that lipstick on before she left. The dress was the sexiest one she owned. The shoes were the highest and least comfortable, purchased with Misao on a whim a year ago. She had put on jewelry, dammit all, rooting out the only bit of gold anything she owned to add some shine to her neck and wrist.

"I need wine," Kaoru blurted out, knowing that her face was going shades of red deeper as the revelations came fast and furious. Lord, she was good at lying to herself. And now she had to sit through dinner and stew in her awkward feelings for this impossibly inappropriate romantic partner.

Enishi's mouth actually quirked up as he handed her the wine list which was all in French. She didn't know what any of these wines were but she knew the word 'merlot' and so when the waiter came to take their drink order she picked one at random. It was only when the waiter returned with a tasting glass for her choice that she wondered just how much money said choice was going to cost Enishi. Her dinner partner seemed unconcerned.

"Not drinking tonight?" Kaoru wanted to slap herself as soon as she said it. Given how he had practically been a human pickle the last time they had seen one another it might have seemed like a snarky question.

"How could I? There's a distinct lack of pool tables." It was delivered so dryly that Kaoru's brain had trouble registering the fact that he had just made a joke. Her weak laughter was many seconds too late. Enishi undid the top button of his shirt, seemingly relaxing more in her presence and continued. "I realized it was an ignoble way to die. It would bring too many people too much pleasure for me to kill myself with alcohol."

Kaoru grimaced. "I'm glad something got you to stop, even if it was spite."

They didn't talk about anything for a while after that as they looked at the menu. Kaoru's guess had been correct and she couldn't read a damn thing on the French menu, but she could guess at some of it. The only thing she was reasonably sure she could order with confidence was the coq au vin, and she hoped Enishi didn't think it was some sort of meta-commentary about him when she did. The waiter came and left with their dinner order, and before Kaoru knew it someone was depositing a second glass of wine in front of her shortly which let her know she was much more nervous than even she had realized.

"I thought I had hallucinated you at first," Enishi said, conversational but his eyes were sharp, observing everything about her like he could pick her apart as he did a mathematical equation. "But then Gein asked me about the favor you promised him. I told him he deserved a few more weeks standing in the cold for knowingly directing you to seedy bars when diverting attention from you was half of his job."

"I only went to one seedy bar, for the record. My luck is never that good when I play the lottery..."

He took a drink of water. "You should have made the smart decision and left me there." Enishi watched her, knowing she couldn't help but retort with annoyance.

"You know I couldn't do that." Sick animals. Friends who needed a place to stay for a little while. Relatives who had hit the skids, no matter how distant. These were the staples of her childhood and the model her father had set for her for hospitality, possibly goodness itself, and she couldn't do less than her sainted father. Kaoru wasn't sure when she started to think of Enishi as a wounded animal, but he was a far cry from the man who had cornered her in an alleyway a few months ago.

Through soup and salad Kaoru held up ninety percent of the conversation. Enishi ate slowly, finishing everything without a shred of relish but with a determination that seemed more like a devotion to calorie intake rather than love of food. He sometimes ate for enjoyment, given that he never seemed this wooden when he came to Kaoru's workplace, but tonight he was mechanically completing a task. Meanwhile, Kaoru talked about everything in her life.

How Yahiko might finally get a new girlfriend, the only girlfriend he actually feared losing and so had never tried.

How Soujirou had finally proposed to Misao, and Kaoru had to endure call after gushing call about being a bridesmaid when her friend didn't even have a date picked out yet.

How Megumi had thrown Sano out on his ass, again, when he implied maybe they should move in together. It hadn't worked well the one time they had tried, but only Megumi seemed to remember that.

Enishi grunted responses to her observations and feelings until Kaoru finally dropped her spoon down in her meal with a clatter, splattering the rich sauce on the pristine tablecloth. "I appreciate the meal, but if I wanted to talk to myself you could have just as easily ordered a pizza sent to my home so I wouldn't have to pay for a cab or sit here for ages in my least comfortable clothes!"

Wherever his mind had wandered, he appeared to come back to earth because Kaoru practically felt the intensity of his concentration. It was like suddenly having a spotlight trained on her, and she wondered why she had agreed to tonight in the first place.

"I can't imagine how you manage to have such enthusiasm for so many things that have nothing to do with your goals." His voice was casual, but lashed her all the same. Couldn't she have been satisfied before with his vague attention and assume he was being a polite listener to her banal life story?

Maybe she needed that third glass of wine after all. "As you pointed out at Thanksgiving I don't appear to have any goals."

His words were said with bald despair and Kaoru felt immediate guilt. "Then I'm in good company." He set his fork down, his rare cut of beef only half finished. Kaoru could see she was losing him again to whatever obscure place his mind wandered to when he was depressed, and panicked.

"How can that be true? You have a successful, uh, business. You have a home that I'm betting is fully paid for, and probably piles of money all over the place."

"Window dressing. Means to an end."

Kaoru blew a puff of air at some hair that had fallen in her face. "What is success to you then? I'd say that looks a lot like success on the outside to someone like me."

"Success?" He stabbed his fork into some meat, pressing it down to make it bleed onto his plate. "Success would have been my brother-in-law's head on a pike. Some peace for my sister."

Unsure if he meant literally or figuratively, she stayed silent.

"But that turned out to be a childish dream, the misplaced grief of more than a decade crystallized into a singular purpose. I can't even blame Heishin for my failure in hunting my brother-in-law down and disposing of him, as much as I'd like to." He set his silverware down with a clink on the plate. "As it turns out, my revenge was destined to be a dead end."

Kaoru was getting increasingly irritated with his obtuse statements and her foot tapped with force against the table base. "I can't believe someone as smart as I thought you were could be so dumb!" Enishi narrowed eyes at her but a nice meal couldn't cover up the BS he was spewing. "Revenge? Destiny? Get real. You have a nice life, loads of money, and all the time in the world to figure out what you want to do next. Millions of people would kill to have your 'window dressing'—which by the way I wouldn't necessarily kill for but I wouldn't mind that kind of freedom. Feel your feelings, those are real enough and I know what it's like to lose a family member too soon—how the pain never really goes away completely—but life is for the living. And maybe once you've rejoined the living we can go on a real date."

From the bilious look in Enishi's eyes Kaoru could sense she had gone too far, but she also sensed he had enough self-control not to make a scene in the restaurant.

"Maybe I should head on out." Sheepish again now that her temper had been spent with unwise words, Kaoru slowly stood and grabbed her things. "Thank you for dinner, it was, um, really very good. And despite what I said I really, uh, respect how patiently you helped me with math. I'm sorry about your sister." Did she even know what she was saying anymore? Was she still talking? Retreat was all that consumed her mind.

In her haste to leave, Kaoru felt her ankle turn and she had to windmill her arms and grab onto a nearby table to steady herself. She apologized to the elderly couple who looked at her in shock, but didn't dare back to see if Enishi was still watching her progress. She suspected he was. Honestly, Kaoru was a bit shocked at herself for saying all those things. She should have just smiled and nodded along with his nonsense. It's just that… she knew he could do better! It was so frustrating to watch someone who had everything act like he had nothing. If Kaoru had half his brainpower and even a tenth of his money she would be in college figuring out what she wanted for herself!

Maybe that was her answer. If she had all the time and all the money in the world, what would she really want to do? It certainly wasn't Finance.

It was galling that he had been right about her, but maybe he could get past his anger and see that she was a little bit right about him as well.

*  
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*

It was past midnight when her phone beeped at her. Unluckily, she was sleeping light and restless after making a cake of herself at dinner, so when she saw Enishi's name on the screen she couldn't have jetted upright faster. _Maybe there's no point to it, after all_ , his text read.

It could have been sleep deprivation, but the first place her mind leapt to when she saw those words flash across the screen was that he was a depressed person talking about how life had no point. And he lived enough floors up that a fall from his balcony would be deadly.

 _Are you alone?_ Kaoru waited five minutes after her texted response, but he didn't reply.

 _Do you need someone to talk to?_ Another five minutes passed and Kaoru felt her adrenaline dump in alarm.

 _Don't do anything hasty. I'm coming over._ She'd be damned if she let him harm himself! Who cares what she said to him earlier!

Pulling jeans on at full stumble, and some running shoes without socks, she grabbed a thick coat and a knitted cap near the door and fumbled with her keys in the lock before she sprinted through the light dusting of snow down the street to the condo complex. Luckily, she didn't have to buzz in because a small group of drunk teens in equally messy clothing was trying to navigate their way out of cabs and into the building in a cluster. It wasn't hard to hide in the crowd, even if the loud ride in the elevator also reeked of alcohol and marijuana.

Moments later she was pounding on his door and twisting the knob as if she could will it to unlock. Mumbling under her breath, she checked her phone again, dialing his number this time when she saw no new messages. It rang once to voicemail. She tried again.

"What." He flat voice was clearly something in between surprised and annoyed.

"I told you I was coming over. Open the door!"

Silence on the other end was telling, but after a bit Kaoru heard what sounded like someone fiddling with the lock and the door opened to reveal a curious Enishi with a phone to his head which he dropped to his side when he saw her. His eyebrows raised up, clearly not expecting this eventuality.

"You didn't answer my texts." Kaoru said lamely. All the dots she had connected might just have been the products of a guilty and sleep deprived mind. "You made it sound like you were in a dark place."

He was examining her disheveled appearance, no doubt, as Kaoru watched his eyes flick up and down. "I was acknowledging that you had a point."

"I'm an idiot," Kaoru murmured under her breath to herself. She turned to go, face flaming with mortification, but a hand shot out to loosely encircle her wrist.

Once she halted and faced him, he let her go. "Or you could come in."

And there it was, Kaoru knew what the right decision was but somehow she couldn't make it. Maybe some of it was the way his plain t-shirt stretched across muscular shoulders, or the way his low slung lounging pants revealed the vee of muscles near his hips, but her feet carried her into the dark room all the same. The click of the door behind her made her back straighten, nervous energy causing pinpricks against the back of her neck.

"If you promise not to make it a sauna again, I'll let you turn on the heat." A light came on in the kitchen and illuminated enough of the living room to show Kaoru that it was completely empty.

"Are you moving?" She hazarded, as she crossed the room to close the balcony door. Had he been out there in this cold wearing nothing but a t-shirt? Maybe she had been right to be concerned for him after all.

Enishi came out with water bottles in both hands, one of which he offered Kaoru. "Possibly. I sold my controlling interest in the consulting agency. Technically, this property belongs to the company but they wouldn't dare evict me." There was a spark of the old Enishi, Kaoru thought with some relief. "And for the record, if I were going to kill myself I wouldn't have told you. I don't do things in half measures."

Kaoru jetted a severely unamused glance at him, but in the dim light she wondered if he could make that out. The room seemed huge and cold without any sort of furniture in it. Pale walls and dark curtains, a cloudy winder sky and orange light from the street made it feel claustrophobic. Kaoru wandered to the parted curtains anyway with her water, sipping slowly. She knew he was next to her even though Enishi hadn't made any noise in his approach. They stood there, looking out at the occasional passing car and Kaoru felt that maybe she was the stupid one and perhaps there was something like destiny out there that kept them orbiting one another.

"I—" She'd never know if the apology that was trying to slide out of her would have any impact because Enishi's tongue was in her mouth before she could get another word out. He was hunched forward to make up for their height difference and this close his skin looked orange from the reflected light outside. This was no practiced seduction, Kaoru thought before her mind became muddled, he was too frantic and too forceful in his technique.

Not that Kaoru was all that experienced, but there had been a time shortly after her father had passed when she may have thrown herself at a few men she was only marginally attracted to in an attempt to feel something other than pain. The thought that she was being used for something similar put a damper on the mood even as her hands seemed to disagree with her as they moved outside of her conscious will under his shirt against heated skin. No wonder the cold wasn't bothering him.

"Before we… continue…" Kaoru said breaking away from a kiss that had felt more like tongue and teeth than lips. "I need to know why."

Pupils blown wide with desire, Enishi coughed out a humorless laugh. "Only you…" Then sensing she was serious he clipped out the words she needed to hear. "You know me and even so you're here. I'm unsure you even like me, but I know we fit."

"I don't dis-like you…" Kaoru whispered defensively. But she did in fact get what he meant. For all their personality problems, their arguments, their differing worldviews and past experiences somehow they were on the same plane: at a crossroad in their life—aimless—missing someone who would never come back to them. She had literally bandaged his wounds and dragged him out of a hellhole, and he had challenged her to be a better version of herself and protected her in his own way.

Kaoru had more layers to shed as they collided again, and she could feel dexterous fingers tangle in her still smooth hair as Enishi pulled off her hat and let it free from the confines of the hairband she had hastily tied it up with. She had never managed to get to the thermostat, but seeing as she was bodily pressed next to Enishi's volcanic skin she wasn't cold. Her jacket and shirt were next, followed by his shirt. Kaoru kicked shoes in random directions, and wondered fleetingly if anyone had ever vacuumed up all that glass when they stumbled into his bedroom, Enishi's mouth on her neck. He was still being too aggressive with the suction, and Kaoru was glad Yahiko had already returned to college or else she would have had some really hard questions to answer about the marks that were no doubt being formed.

"Slow down," Kaoru tried to reassure him as she placed hands on Enishi's cheeks and guided his lips back to her own. Once that was accomplished she worked at the fastenings of her jeans, pulling them off with a sweeping motion that forced her breasts to brush down Enishi's chest as collateral damage. He responded by pulling her with him onto the bed, her body covering his and their legs in a tangle.

The topic of a condom came up, but Enishi didn't keep any in his living space because up until this moment this bed had only been for sleeping. Sex was usually something he planned at external sites, he said, and Kaoru had to stifle the pity she felt before it reached her eyes and gave it away. They compromised, neither being willing to stop long enough to go to a store to remedy their issue. Intimacy took many forms.

There wasn't much dignity as Kaoru gave gasped directions to Enishi, words melting to groans as his fingers worked inside of her and his tongue stroked and prodded her to climax. Despite it having taken time to navigate the tempo and general overstimulation of her second climax, he seemed willing to keep going but it was Kaoru who stilled him and shifted position. She encouraged him to lean back against the pillows, and while he hesitated to give up his dominant position, a few stokes of her hand down his length seemed to convince him finally. It was an act Kaoru had never liked because of the way men she had been with had behaved with grasping hands and thrusting hips, but Enishi was nothing if not controlled when it counted and she felt like she could trust him on this as her lips encircled him.

Strangled oaths that could have been in any language were all the warning she got as his muscles shone and flexed in the lamplight, and his own climax crested. The pulsing aftershocks seemed to overtake his whole body like a seizure, so when his pale eyes found hers she was glad he had kept the glasses on as he appeared to be able to focus on her. Both slick with sweat and cooling too quickly in the frigid room, Enishi suggested a shower.

"Not together," he clarified as Kaoru's eyes grew wide, her body still sensitive from earlier. Her defensive body posture might have given her away.

It was while he was in the shower after her that she fetched her shirt from where she had discarded it in the living room and then hid back in his bedroom. It was the work of a moment to flick on the heat in this one room, and the answering whir of air was comforting in a situation that was becoming increasingly uncomfortable as she considered the repercussions.

Unwilling to explore the room, Kaoru sat down next to the lamp that was on his bedside table and picked up the book there. It fell open to a particular spot towards the end where the binding had broken from being read too frequently. Precise yet stylistically sprawling cursive made Kaoru wish she had stuck with handwriting drills a little longer, because this was art. Before she knew it she'd read a few sentences before it occurred to her that if she hadn't been willing to violate his privacy by searching his room then surely reading his diary was a far worse offense. Flipping to the front page she saw that under the 'this journal belongs to' line there was the name Tomoe Yukishiro.

She had put the journal down just in time because Enishi emerged from the shower naked and rubbing at his hair. Kaoru knew she shouldn't stare, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him all the same as he pulled underwear from his dresser and put them on before joining her in bed without an ounce of the self consciousness that plagued Kaoru.

"Staying?" His voice was carefully neutral, neither encouraging nor disparaging.

"If you don't mind." Kaoru thought of her cold, empty house. Of how even a couple weeks of Yahiko back had made her realize how rambling and cavernous the house was without him. A normal person would get a pet, not sleep with a neighbor she chastised herself mentally.

Even though he had a king-sized bed, Kaoru somehow found herself sliding close enough to feel the radiant heat from his back. Despite probably being too warm due to her adventures with the thermostat, Enishi didn't edge away from her.

 _My brother comes out of foster care to live with us today,_ she had read, _and while I know he'll never like Kenshin because of who he is, I hope he finds peace from my peace…_


	7. Chapter 7

Kaoru wiped sweat from the side of her face as she descended the stairs and wondered why she insisted on never taking the elevator when every bit of her body was exhausted after her three hour stint in the lecture hall. She had thought maybe at least keeping her blood flowing would keep all those facts stuffed in her brain, but as the weather changed from pleasant to sweltering in this old building Kaoru wondered if maybe she should just wait in line with the rest of her overheated class for her turn in the rickety elevator. It was already awkward being the oldest in the class, so she didn't want to spend an extra second with her 'peers' if she didn't have to.

Overall, she was grateful to slide into these summer pre-reqs considering they only came around once a year but those couple years she had on the rest of the class didn't compare to the difference in life experience and the discomfort was neverending. A few of them had jobs, part time, but none of them were paying a mortgage and at least half of them still had their car insurance paid for by a parent. It had been hard to find common ground with interests too, since Kaoru didn't follow popular music or internet memes and most of them weren't too into cooking shows.

But for once the material was really interesting. Kaoru went home to read ahead sometimes—unheard of when she was going through high school. It seemed like she had found her calling, even if teaching was trading physically demanding low wage work for mentally demanding moderate wage work. At least she'd have benefits and a retirement plan, likely. Her father had been a teacher, even if it was fencing and not K-12, and Kaoru wondered if maybe there was something in her genetics that fit with the profession.

Red faced from the heat, Kaoru dropped her book bag for a moment to drink deeply at the water fountain which was blessedly cold. It was tempting to splash it over her face, but she could see someone standing next to her and she didn't want to look any crazier than she had to in front of her classmates. At some point they were doing peer review of lesson plan designs and she didn't want to alienate anyone. Taking a deep breath and putting a professional server smile on her face, she stood up and told the gentleman he was welcome to the water when her words caught in her throat.

Enishi.

Here?

Angrily she pulled her book bag onto her shoulder. "Excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be," Kaoru tried to push past his tall form, clad in nostalgic white and blue athleisure, but he sidestepped into her path. Her words hissed out between her lips. "What is your problem?!"

He was the one who had ghosted her. Changed his number. Moved away. Six months ago she would have defended him to her best friends. Three months ago she would have punched him on sight. Right before her summer classes started she had a good cry and told herself that she needed to put even the memory of him behind her. Truly he was her bad penny, showing up when she least expected him to in moments she wasn't prepared for him.

"It occurred to me that my life, as it was, was unsustainable."

"Well woo-freakin'-hoo that you figured out how to start over or whatever then. I still have work to get to…" Kaoru stepped closer, expecting him to retreat to allow them some personal space but instead he wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to murmur into her ear.

"Your anger is warranted," He smelled expensive, and Kaoru remembered like a physical punch the way those arms had clutched her so desperately in the night. But instead of resting her forehead on his chest the way she wanted to, she glanced up at him as if her anger could shoot out of her eyes like a concussive force. "But I made the right decision."

"I'm sure you think you did. You probably think every decision you make is the right decision." That actually brought a smile to his lips, and Kaoru had to pull away and move past him before he could see how even a little smile like that made her resolve melt at the edges. She knew those lips, those fussy glasses, those sharp cheekbones, and she didn't hate him even a little bit which was the most enraging part of this encounter.

He didn't say anything else as she brushed past him, scrabbling to hold together her pride while her heart ached to go back and get answers. But it was when she looked behind her and he was following at a respectful but consistent distance that she sighed and turned around.

"Are you going to follow me to work?"

He pointed over to the parking lot beyond them. "There's only one lot next to the building."

She felt a little ashamed, staring at her tennis shoes and collecting her thoughts when her head shot up. "You didn't answer my question!"

Enishi shrugged, amusement sparking at her canniness. "You know I like the food there. I can't find anything like it near my college."

"Your college?" Kaoru had to literally shake her head as if clearing cobwebs from her mind. He was baiting her, enticing her with a detail he knew she would want to tease out from him. "Nope. Nevermind. The point is that you aren't planning to leave me alone, are you?" She wondered about how less than a year ago he had been obsessing over Kaoru 'following' him and how here he was unashamedly doing the same to her. "Don't you understand how hard it is to come back from what you did? How could I possibly ever trust you? Stalking me isn't the answer."

There were no smirks for her now, instead Enishi pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses and then sighed and withdrew an envelope from the pocket of his pants. It looked a little wrinkled, like it had been clutched more than once before, and he handed it out to her.

"I can order for pick up before your shift." When Kaoru made no move to open it in front of him, he gave her a piercing look from head to toe as if memorizing her in the moment: red faced, messy ponytail, lopsided posture from carrying heavy books, in a ratty t-shirt and jeans. There was no indication on his face of what he felt, except a persistent intensity that told Kaoru he wanted to pick up where they left off. "I'll be leaving town the day after tomorrow. Before you continue to believe the worst, consider for a moment what staying would have meant. All of it."

This time Enishi walked ahead, making his way to the parking lot where Kaoru watched him get into a nondescript black car and drive away. He hadn't been lying about the parking lot, but then again he was more a lie by omission kind of guy. And the view from behind as he made his way to his car had been pleasant as always.

With a snort Kaoru tore open the envelope with more than a little force and out of it fell a plastic hotel key. There was a frozen moment of rage as she wondered what kind of girl Enishi thought she was, when she noted there was more than just a proposition in this envelope—other than the hotel key there was a piece of paper and two plane tickets. The plane tickets, business class, were for a date after her summer classes had concluded but before her fall classes would begin. The folded paper was on the hotel stationary for the same place as the key, and on it was written an address and a phone number. No sappy proclamations, no promises, no apologies.

Kaoru needed to make some calls.

*  
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"Don't you dare do it! You barely know this guy, you dated him for no time at all, and now he's not even groveling?! Kick him to the curb and tell him to shove his plane tickets up his ass!" Misao, during Kaoru's first break of the evening at the restaurant, had yelled her advice so loudly into the phone that Kaoru had to hold it away from her ear. It was still light out in the alleyway because of the long summer day, but humid from the kitchens at her back in a way that made Kaoru feel even less patient than usual with her boisterous friend.

In Enishi's long and sudden absence Kaoru had come clean about most of their association (at least about how he had been her stats tutor not her boyfriend, but that the relationship had gotten complicated). After confusion from Misao that she would hide something like that and suspicion from Megumi that that was in fact the full story, they had simply gotten used to periodic calls from Kaoru lamenting sleeping with him.

"Look, I didn't expect him to grovel. It's not like he proposed." Kaoru mumbled into the phone, not actually prepared for the level of anger that Misao was storing for a man she had never really met. Maybe Soujirou had told her he wasn't the kind of guy Kaoru should mix with and that would have been enough for her. Plus, the wedding was a few months away and Misao had been ramping up in both stress and excitement.

"My desire to see you nail his dick to a wall aside, that guy is dangerous. It's a good thing that he vaporized from your life. You should see if you can get a cash refund for the plane tickets and call it a day."

Kaoru snorted a laugh and tried to fan herself with a small piece of cardboard she had found on a pile of empty crates near the door. "Maybe if you hadn't picked out the most ridiculous bridesmaid dress I wouldn't need illicit ticket money so badly."

"You'll be gorgeous! Marigold looks great on you."

They had had this argument so many times that Kaoru's response was robotic. "It's yellow velvet, Misao. Yellow. I'm going to look like a couch."

"Marigold really pops and it will work great with all the fall colors. You'll look amazing."

In a way Kaoru supposed she was lucky that Misao hadn't picked the avocado option of the same dress, as the only thing worse than yellow with Kaoru's complexion was greenish-yellow. The sales person at the bridal salon had seen Misao march in with dollar signs dripping off of her and practically fell over herself spinning a tale of her bridesmaids following her like leaves drifting off the tree in autumn. And now Kaoru was paying installments on an ugly dress and some heeled red shoes she knew were going to give her blisters. Misao swore up and down that it was going to be the best party ever so Kaoru swallowed her misgivings for the most part and forked over the money with a smile. There had only been one blow up when they had stayed up all night together gluing crystals onto invitations to give them 'that special extra something' and Kaoru had overturned a small fortune in Swarovski onto the carpet accidentally when she had been reaching for her beer.

Megumi was always too busy for arts and crafts, maybe Kaoru should have taken a page from her book. Then again, Megumi guarded her private time closely and Kaoru wasn't good at saying no like that to friends even when her life was consumed by work and school now. Maybe Megumi would have been a better person to call about something like this. Misao was too high strung, too polarized, and her first reaction was always to attack a problem instead of think about it. Kaoru like to attack problems as well, and maybe that was the problem.

 _Think about what staying would have meant._ Enishi's words had stuck with her on the drive to work in her alarmingly sputtering but mostly now functional car.

"Hey look, my break is almost up, we'll talk later ok?"

Misao vibrated with worry from miles away. "Don't do what I think you're going to do. He's not a hungry stray that needs a meal and a pat on the head, he's a gangster."

"Come on, have a little faith in me! I know what I need to do. Bye!"

Kaoru did not in fact know what she needed to do. All she could think of as she discarded her makeshift fan back on top of the crates and walked through the hot kitchen was how Enishi's life's work had fallen apart around his ears and that maybe his escape to another city was about rebuilding instead of continuing to fall apart here. Half a year ago he was too thin, too tired, too angry and the man who had stood in front of her today hadn't seemed like any of those things.

Making change for the third time from the money she picked up from one of her tables, Kaoru glanced up as Tae snagged some mint gum from behind the counter from where she usually stashed it next to the register. It was so hard to concentrate between the heat, her mind being full from the class today, and Enishi turning everything topsy-turvy.

"You ok? You seem out of it today." Tae smiled at Kaoru, and waited for the response even as she filled a pitcher with water for one of her tables. The ice crunching as Tae grabbed a scoopful was what broke Kaoru's reverie.

"Yeah, just have a lot on my mind."

Tae nodded, brushing brown bangs out of her eyes, and then let loose with some wisdom that hit Kaoru like lightening. "When that happens to me I take a couple deep breaths and then do the first thing that occurs to me after." Then she laughed to herself. "Or I just ask my sister. She loves telling people what to do."

"Thanks, Tae. That was more helpful than you know."

As the other woman wandered away, Kaoru finished making change as she took measured breaths. What did she actually want to do?

*  
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Yesterday had ended with more turmoil than she wanted but less than she expected given Enishi's stunning return to town. Thanks to Tae's excellent advice, Kaoru finished her shift at the restaurant and then went home to eat ice cream and watch bad TV. It was relaxing, it was normalizing, and it was just what Kaoru had actually needed so that she could sleep on her options. It had helped to wake up to Megumi's texts, too, because she had had a different perspective from Misao in some respects. They both thought Enishi was scum, but Megumi knew Sano was no catch and yet stayed with him so she understood better than Misao how someone's worth could be more complex than surface values.

 _If you don't talk to him you'll regret it,_ Megumi had written. _And I don't want to hear you whine for another six months about how you should have asked him questions while you had the chance._

Of course, her foxy friend also knew the pitfalls of spending time with handsome reprobates.

_Just make sure you meet him somewhere public. No matter what you say, if you go to his hotel room you might as well go buy condoms first._

Kaoru had put her phone down with a blush. That was not what she wanted from Enishi. Probably.

But like a child with oppositional defiance somehow she found herself knocking on the door to his hotel room after she got off her day of work at the fencing school. It was around dinner time, and she wondered if he was out as she shifted her weight from side to side in a nervous swaying dance. She knocked again, this time more firmly and a weary Enishi answered the door with an expression that shifted from deeply annoyed to instantly wary when he spotted her.

He was in a suit, like any of the other expensive suits she had seen him in in the past but a pale tan for summer. Whatever tie that had gone with it had been long discarded, and the collar was open of his pale blue buttonup so deeply she could see the white undershirt. The business he had had to conduct today was surely over and he was relaxing, she supposed, and it was at least a little gratifying that her appearance was a surprise. Even Enishi had thought she wasn't going to show up. Well, she had surprised them both.

"Are you going to invite me in?" She said with more rancor than she actually had in her heart. Kaoru's severe tone was attempting to hide her nervousness.

"Are you going to come in if I invite you?" He responded, but instead of waiting he turned around and left the door open so Kaoru could make her own choice. It seemed more like a dare than an invitation.

Wishing she had worn something besides her casual office clothes, Kaoru wondered if Enishi noticed what she wore at all. His own clothes were expensive armor so he clearly understood the usefulness of nice clothes, but his sense of style seemed to be more in line with a rich housewife who spent all her time at the gym when he wasn't in a suit. How could anyone own so many track suits and tight exercise clothes?

"Drink?" Enishi offered, and Kaoru saw a couple mini bottles of alcohol sitting on the table. She cast a dark look in his direction that he saluted before he drained the glass. "If I told you this was the first drink I had in months, I wonder if you'd believe me."

"S'not my business. You aren't my business." She wanted to sound gruff, but she knew it leaned on the side of wistful.

Enishi seemed to think about her words a moment before he began to unbutton his shirt, seemingly encouraging her to run from the room. "How long until it would have fallen apart? The time we spent together was the fantasy, and the reality wasn't something I was about to let you see. It takes time to establish a new life and I know no one could do it faster than I have."

"And what did you do, exactly? Go to college?"

"I should graduate in a year or so. Ivies have pretty interesting transfer requirements, but I eventually found one that would accept a Chinese transcript with minimal questions given my willingness to pay tuition in full." His matter of fact delivery had Kaoru wondering if he actually went to a Chinese college for a while or if he had forged a transcript. Either outcome could be true given his fluency in the language and largely unknown background.

Since he didn't seem worried about paying for the contents of the mini-fridge, Kaoru wandered over next to him and pulled out a bottle of water. She was proud that her hand had no visible tremble. "So I guess you'll graduate around the same time I do. What's your major?"

"Finance."

Kaoru tried not to spit water through her nose, so instead she swallowed it partially down the wrong pipe and began coughing. A large, hot hand made slow circles on her back as she braced her hands against her knees. She would think he was doing it to spite her, but she knew he was a math genius with a background running a business so this was probably both intentional and coincidental.

Once she had her breathing under control she took a step away from him, which backed her up against the drawers below the enormous wall mounted flat screen TV. If they were friends, she might have suggested turning on the AC and watching a movie, but what she felt right now wasn't very friendly. Every nerve was telling her to flee. She thought she had come here to question him, but instead she could feel a pull to push that unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and run her fingers over the muscles of his back.

"Once you finish school, what's your plan?"

He sat on the bed, and ran a hand through his hair to mess it up a bit and loosen whatever product he had put in to stiffen it for the day. "Possibly investments, possibly banking. Easy to get lost in a large corporation for a while until they pay for my MBA. Consulting would be familiar." There was that drifter look again, the one she knew from winter. The fact that he didn't actually have a plan took her by surprise, but that he would admit that he didn't have a plan to her was even more disarming.

Then came the question she was almost too scared to vocalize. "And what about me? What's your plan for me?"

He took off his glasses, a move which Kaoru knew meant he couldn't see her at this distance. She wondered if it was a way to protect himself from her expression as he spoke. "If all I wanted was sex, I wouldn't have bought you a plane ticket." And because he possibly knew that wasn't enough of an explanation even under good circumstances, he added. "And I feel like out of everyone in this rotten world, you're with me instead of against me."

It wasn't romantic, but it still felt like a confession of sorts. Kaoru's heart pounded in her chest all the same.

Megumi had been right, or course, she usually was. Kaoru should have in fact brought condoms with her, but luckily for both her and Enishi he had had the forethought to plan for the eventuality in which she actually did come to his hotel room. It had been a bold enough offer, and given Kaoru's rage at his abandonment he had figured the chance to be slim but he was also a planner. So some time after her pounce, when Kaoru peeled her body off his long enough so that he could remove his belt he also took the time to pull the still plastic wrapped box out of his leather designer suitcase.

Only his shirt and undershirt were fully off him as Kaoru pulled him out of his pants and rolled the condom down over his length because before she could get much farther he was pulling at the hem of her casual baggy navy pants. Both the pants and the dark underwear came down as she tried to prevent his eagerness from ripping anything, but in the end their haste didn't shift all their clothing because she still had a white shirt and bra on when he pushed her onto her back and she pulled him onto her front.

The entry would have been rough if Kaoru's body hadn't been preparing for it the moment he answered that door looking like he needed to be fucked. Maybe he had been too pent up because her body was just starting to feel like it was reaching for something incredible when he mumbled some truly bilious curses near her ear and came hard enough to scoot her all the way to the headboard with his last thrust. They sat there panting for a moment before he withdrew and threw away the condom, but Kaoru hadn't even had enough time to form much more than the barest outline of a thought when she found him crawling back to lick a path up her sweaty thigh to her center.

By the time Enishi had coaxed an orgasm from Kaoru that had her arching her whole body off the bed, she thought that it was possible that even if the relationship didn't work out that this memory alone would sustain her through however many bad blind dates her friends threw at her. A little bit sore from round one still, she saw that her enthusiastic enjoyment of his persistent tongue had gotten him ready for more so this time she pulled off the rest of her own clothes and his before they unwrapped another condom.

In the aftermath, Kaoru actually did get to watch most of a bad movie on that giant television with the AC on, but the casual touches of his fingertips against her naked calves while she lay next to him on her stomach and Enishi checked emails on his phone was much more enjoyable than the bland dialogue on screen. She didn't stay the night this time, partially because actually sleeping next to him again felt too intimate, and partially because he had an early flight the next morning.

It was past midnight when she unlocked her door and wandered into a house that was too hot having not been aired out in the evening as per usual. There would be hell to pay when Misao and Megumi found out about her visit to Enishi, and there would be even more hell to pay when she got on that plane in a little over a month for her impromptu vacation.

The way he had described it, it sounded extremely normal. Could something be abnormally normal?

"I'll show you my campus, the town. There's museums, supposedly. Do you like the theater?" He had sounded like a man searching for an answer to a question Kaoru hadn't asked. Their time together had never been normal, and possibly no part of his life in general had ever been typical. Maybe the vacation was proof to him that life didn't need to be violent posturing and schemes. Then again, life in ivy leagues sounded quite a lot like it had plenty of posturing and schemes just in a slightly different context.

"I never thought about it before. Do you like the theater?"

Enishi's voice had been firm but distant in tone when he replied. "My sister did."

The way he closed his eyes after he mentioned his sister had made Kaoru's heart ache in a way that reminded her that love endured even in terribly broken people. If Enishi could love his long dead sister then surely there was capacity for more. She knew he had already burrowed into her own soft emotional side, otherwise she never would have appeared at his door six months ago.

"Let's try it out then, what do we have to lose?"

It was a mantra she should think about cross stitching and hanging in her living room.


End file.
